Yesterday, I saw the disbelieving, agitated eyes of my friends witnessing police starting to saw down a young woman suspended in the air, while an ambulance waited down the street. They knew cutting it could send her hurtling to the pavement, but did it anyway. 
Last winter, police warned us to stay back as we shouted at them to stop sawing down a tripod as another young woman dangled overhead, risking her life.
Two splashes of trauma in a rising pool of mace, tear gas, rubber bullets, brutality & firsthand oppression that sits just past my smile and “articulate” words.
Frontlines work is dangerous, it’s damaging, it’s beautiful, it’s isolating.
Frontlines work is dangerous, it’s damaging, it’s beautiful, it’s isolating.
I understand frustration at those who live in comfort, with the luxury of quips & writing to analyze and further a cause, while the screams of our comrades scar our hearts and handfuls stand in remote, beautiful places against armed, frequently violent enforcers.
I understand what it’s like to comfort a comrade who is overwhelmed, who feels society crushing their spirit, demanding conformity and acquiescence. Who lacks support from their own community, as PTSD winds its way through their body, mind, heart.
Who struggles to make ends meet, to live, as they fight for all life. Who grapples with their own attachment to the very systems they challenge. Suicide and depression is a constant, as we do our best to support each other.
What am I doing with my life? Is it enough? Be stronger, others get killed for this work. Focus on the fight, not what other people do. What do my ancestors think? What about the babies?
I find my humility in ceremony, in the ways that kept our people strong since time immemorial. To be humble is to remember our own frailty, to confront doubt, anger, sadness, and keep healing.
I find my strength in the earth, our endless Mother. I find my will in the faces of littles, those new spirits walking the footsteps of our ancestors.
When a water protector calls at 2am, please answer. Remember the hurt they carry, the fight they stand for.
Love to my resistance brothers & sisters ❤️
Love to my resistance brothers & sisters ❤️
