Lex Luthor, a selfish billionaire oligarch who could easily feed the poor, will only do it if ONE immigrant can eat a way too big mountain of hot dogs by midnight. Superman can definitely eat that much hot dogs AND is also an immigrant so Lex is out to distract him all day (1/15)
(2/15) Lex knows Superman HAS to stop and do whatever good deed he sees, so that how he decides to distract him. He blows out the tires of Smashmouth’s tour bus, so that Superman hears them playing sad music and has to pick the bus up and fly them to the waterpark their gig is at
(3/15) they want him to stay and party with Smashmouth but he can’t, he’s Superman. This makes him think about everything he gives up to be a hero. Then Lex switches all the water park water with grease so people are shooting out of the tubes like bullets and he has to catch them
(4/15) Eventually Superman catches all the people (smashmouth helps, they play a song to convince new people to stop getting on the slides). But it takes forever, and Lex has had enough time to do his next distraction: he’s taken all the bathroom signs and put them on other rooms
(5/15) Meanwhile at the hot dog contest area the Justice League is working on a plan B (they started when Supes didn’t arrive at 10am as planned). The Flash COULD eat the hot dogs. So could probably Green Lantern. Batman has mental training. No good: they were all born in America
(6/15) Only Wonder Woman, Aquaman and Martian Manhunter qualify because of the rules and they can absolutely no way eat that many hot dogs. Lex knows this and he’s laughing his butt off via satellite. It’s all up to the Boy Scout now... but where is he? Lex also built a big clock
(7/15) so back at the water park everybody thinks non-bathroom rooms are the bathroom and it’s chaos. Superman has to round them all up BUT he can’t use his x-ray vision to find them in case he sees something private (lex luthor has studied Superman for years). It also takes ages
(8/15) He finally leaves the water park cause he’s got ‘dogs to chomp, plus we’ve been there for a while. But Lex is still doing everything he can to distract him, he’s putting old ladies at every intersection, he’s posing as a guy who needs help with his taxes, he’s doing it all
(9/15) at one point Lex’s assistant goes “why even design a contest Superman could easily win?” and Lex looks out a big window and goes “To kill the IDEA of superman. So people could see him not show up to eat the hot dogs even though it would help people and he could do it easy”
(10/15) so now it’s like 11:56 and he’s ALMOST there, he’s cutting it so close but it will honestly take him like 10 seconds to eat all the hot dogs so he’s not worried. But just then he sees the final distraction (which is also a bonus villain appearance that was not advertised)
(11/15) Lex has reached out to one of his evil buddies: Solomon Grundy is outside the hot dog area spraypainting hate speech on a fence. Superman HAS to fight him! But Grundy has the strength of the grave, meaning THIS fight ain’t gonna be no two-punch brunch (superman says this)
(12/15) He finally defeats Solomon Grundy, gets in there and gets his bib on, he’s ready to eat up all those h-dogs lightning fast. But then he looks at the big clock: it’s 12:01. He spent JUST too long fighting Solomon Grundy and missed the deadline. The man of steel has failed.
(13/15) Superman is totally crestfallen, but then he’s looking around, and wait: where are the hot dogs? They’re gone, someone else ate them and won the thing: A child. A nameless little girl who could be you or me, the real hero all along. It’s a party now, Smashmouth comes back
(14/15) Superman is glad things got resolved, but he’s pretty disappointed in himself! Then a voice over his shoulder says “hey, you may not have done the main thing, but look at all the other people you helped today. I finally see, you’re not just Superman. You’re *A* super man”
(15/15) and he turns around and it’s Lex Luthor HOW HARD IS THAT HOLLYWOOD
