Thread by @iowahawkblog

so I successfully burrowed my way out of Twitter jail

about a week ago I went on Twitter and was informed that they had spotted "unusual activity" on my account and it was now locked, requiring me to reset my password. Not sure what "unusual activity" meant, perhaps suspicious sobriety or dearth of fart jokes

Anyhoo, thus began a madcap adventure with me and twitter support bantering in a prolonged version of Catch-22 meets Abbott & Costello's Who's On First

Twitter screen: to unlock your account you must go to Account Settings and change your password

Me: *clicks Account Settings*

Twitter screen: you cannot change the account settings of a locked account

Twitter screen: if you need more help, use this form to contact twitter support

Me: types in explanation of the Catch-22
Me: checks email

Twitter email: click this button to reset password

Me: *clicks button*

Twitter screen: this is a locked account, you cannot sign in

Me: repeats process described in previous tweet daily for 5 days, subtly increasing the Dave-style wackiness in each subsequent message as a Turing Test for the Twitter Support Helperbot

Helperbot: here another email password reset link to the same dead end, Hu-Man

in any case, apparently my wacky messages finally caught the attention of a Twitter human, so here I am again.... OR AM I

As I understand it, this was all due to the fact the password on my email account had expired.

*quick note: do not waste your time sending me email, I literally never check it unless forced to

As much as I'd like to believe the sniveling GLOBALIST COMSYMPS of Twitter conspired to CENSOR ME because I dare tell the REAL TRUTH about the differences in 1930 and 31 Fords, that's basically what happened.

Do not attribute to malice what is easily explained by stupid

Confession: while in Twitter limbo I visited anonymously and did a self-search to see how many people were mourning my absence, Tom Sawyer at his own funeral-style.

Result: nobody really noticed or gave a shit

Being off Twitter wasn't a total tragedy, I was able to console myself in vintage barhopping from Palm Beach to Miami to Key West.

I almost got to meet the great Dave Barry (@rayadverb), if it hadn't been for that unfortunate emergency restraining order he filed