Thread by @wgsaraband

Following that thread on the poisonous bile we've endured from my partner's mum, here's a thread on how I met him, my bestie and soon-to-be husband, on an online dating website.

Yes, it's possible to find the one on Tinder. Here's a positive story of hope:

Back in 2011, I was a morbidly obese 20-year old in Uni. I was insecure, unhealthy, an anxious mess, lonely and deeply unhappy.

So, I did something about my weight, and lost 6 stone in 6 months (nearly 40kg), and then a bit more, after that. This gave me newfound confidence.

I was an out gay guy by then, but I'd never had a boyfriend. On my 21st birthday, I hadn't ever kissed a guy. I felt ready. I felt like I wasn't a monster for the first time, and so tried to "get out there".

Now, this is an age where Blackberry phones were still a thing, and I think Grindr was just appearing on iPhone. The big thing were still dating websites, and so I created a profile on one of them, the most disgustingly named website ever: manhunt. I know, bear with me.

I joined as the little innocent princess that I was, immediately bombarded with messages from men that were clearly just looking for one thing and one thing only... 🐔

Nothing wrong with that, but I was looking for a relationship. So I took my time....

For three months, I was on that platform, responding only to guys who seemed to have a vaguely three-dimensional profile, other than one filled with 🍆. In that time, I only went on one date, and it ended up in a non-consensual (non-penetrative) experience for me, so not great.

I was about to give up, thinking "okay, gay men clearly only want 🍆 or 🍑", and I wanted to be able to have a fucking conversation (not just the fucking bit).

Then, a mysterious guy messaged me. He didn't have a photo of his face (red flag), but his message was funny.

I responded, we exchanged Facebooks, and there I got to see him. He was cute, but his photos were mostly shite.

But we went on exchanging messages, which got longer and longer. We bonded over things like our love of Tolkien and Fantasy in general, music, what relationships mean.

We chatted for a month before we went on a date, to watch an amateur theatre play in Lisbon. It was dreadful. I didn't care. As soon as I saw him, my heart skipped a bit. He was gorgeous. More than gorgeous, he was beautiful, tall, with kind eyes, and so polite. He was 🔥.

He drove me home after the play, and I didn't even give him a kiss (that farewell was so awkward). He later told me he thought he'd blown it all. But I just didn't know what to do, so I panicked and gave him like a high five, and said we'd arrange another date...

... And we did! Just a week after that, we went to see another amateur play (it was an amateur theatre festival going for the whole month, please excuse us).

This time, though, we properly went out after the play. We went to a bar, and then to Lisbon's most famous gay disco.

We danced, and we talked, and omg I was so smitten I started doubting myself. "This will never work, how will a guy like this stay with me." But we danced a bit more, and then we went outside, and he kissed me. Thank goodness he did, with my anxiety, he'd be waiting all night.

We danced some more, we laughed, I sang in his ear a Disney song (in case you were doubting how gay I am). Also, I'm tone deaf and can't sing, so it's proof that he really was into me that he didn't just flee in that moment.

He took me home, we said goodbye with a long kiss, and he drove off as I went up to my flat, walking on clouds. We saw each other for the next few days, in between Uni classes, having lunch in our shared canteen (I was in the Faculty of Arts, he was in the Faculty of Dentistry).

We were each other's first boyfriends - he'd never dated either, and like me had almost lost all hope in that hellish website. He had come out of the closet to far fewer friends, and didn't have as many gay friends as I did, so that's why he took his time.

We dated like two highschool lovebirds for a week (without having sex, you perverts. no, we held on for a week. in gay terms, that's a decade. but it was worth it. *wink*). By the end of that week, we both said "I love you", and we've been together since the 20th of May, 2012.

Now, we dated for a month before my partner came out to his family, which resulted in the subsequent hardest years of our lives (and the thread below, which you can read if you haven't yet, about my mother-in-law being a total witch 🧙‍♀️

https://twitter.com/wgsaraband/status/1219665313710661632

)

His family put us through hell, but the more they tried to tear us apart, the more we grew closer. I'm not religious or superstitious at all, but to this day, my partner has felt like a missing half meeting an incomplete part of mine. We were meant to be together, in some way.

From day one, we haven't gone a day without saying "I love you". We've never had a bad fight or a break up. We've never cheated, or hidden something. We are two best friends first and foremost, each other's most supporting pillar, and each other's biggest fan. We say everything.

During the first two years, whilst at uni and him living with his parents, it was incredibly hard. His mother's constant phone calls, taking money away from him, his car, the drama, the scenes, the priests, the little notes with prayers hidden in his Uni books. It was mental.

It changed nothing. We each focused on finishing our respective degrees, and when we were done, we moved to my native Algarve to live with my mum and near my dad (they're divorced). My partner got a job there in a dental practice, I worked as a waiter in my mum's wee restaurant.

We grafted hard, we put money together. He proposed to me on the 31st of October, 2015. TBF, we've been living like a married couple since day one. Shared bank accounts and all of that. But, you know, this is definitely the man to marry. 10 days later, we flew to Edinburgh.

So, yes, online dating can be hellish. It can leave you feeling worse and even lonelier. But, don't lose hope.

I've found a man I couldn't even dream of. Roger is my best friend, and the love of my life. He's definitely my better half. We found all this in a site called Manhunt.

There are no perfectly tinted love stories that don't have a lot of darkness in the shadows, if you care to look. My partner still has his homophobic family. But what is that compared to what we found in each other?

Utterly meaningless. We're invincible, together 💙 (/end)