Thread by @ElieNYC

All right. Wife made ribs and nachos. I made... beer.

LET’S WATCH SOME ADS!

My boys just said they were more excited for Mulan than the Super Bowl and I am proud.

Trump does nothing without expecting some kind of reward.

All I took from that WalMart ad is that they couldn’t afford Keanu.

7yo: They took all those people, away from their job, just so they could drop a Snickers down a hole. That’s NOT RIGHT. Those people had work they could have been doing.

(Note to self: work on boy’s nascent middle manager ism)

Every Gen Xer right now getting those good Winona Rider feels

Me: God, I hate that [Boston] accent.
Wife: It’s so off-putting
Mom: come on guys.
Wife and I: You don’t know what pain is.

7yo: Having beer helps farmers?
Me: No.
7yo: But the commercial says...
Me: Remember how we talked about how lying is allowed on TV?

My kids like the Turno Tax commercial where “everybody needed to pee.” ... if that’s what they were going for.

Why is Google reminding me that life is too short to waste any of it on the internet?

Wife: WHY WOULDN’T YOU DONATE TO THE ACTUAL HOSPITAL? Why would you give money to a FLOOR MAT company in hopes that some of the crumbs end up at the vet??

Thanks.. yogurt company. Now I’ve got two boys saying “butt. Bu bu butt butt butt.” Thanks. Awesome.

Post Malone choosing Bud Light Seltzer was how @MikeBloomberg chose to run for President.

Everybody in my house cracked up at the @TheEllenShow Alexa commercial. The kids didn’t think they were *really* joking.

Thanks to @TheEllenShow I am now explaining about Richard Nixon to my 7yo for the first time.
First line: “A long time ago, there was another lying President... but he got punished.”

Me: Groundhog Day was an old...
7yo: Shh. KC needs a stop!

...Okay then

I mean, I like Arya Stark enough that I might have to it an Audi.

*buy