Almost 4 years ago, I started documenting the names and stories of #NyayoHouse torture victims, survivors and families in a series of threads. I intended to tweet 180 names. What many of you may not know is that I didn't get to 180. I stalled at around 160. Here's the reason why
Although I had all the material -- press reports, book excerpts, and the invaluable 'We Lived To Tell' -- I didn't finish because of the impact doing the series had on my mental health and emotional stability. I started having anxiety attacks, nightmares and insomnia
Reading story after story of torture, mutilation, imprisonment, beatings, family break-ups, lost livelihoods, broken dreams, and repression can fuck with your mind, as I learned. If that is what the *stories* did to me, how much more would actually living through it?
I remember one day calling @Kalinaki in the middle of a panic attack telling him that I feel like I'm carrying the weight of all this grief and horror in my body. He listened, as he always does, and told me to take a break from it.
@Kalinaki I did, and then started having longer interludes between posts, until I just let it rest. I couldn't do it any more, as much as I wanted to. I began thinking about the supernatural, actually, about how religious narratives can capture or hijack a people's freedom dreams
@Kalinaki It was my way of grappling with the most harrowing part of the #NyayoHouse story -- how Moi was supposedly a Christian, a devout, prayerful Christian.
@Kalinaki So today as we talk about Moi's legacy, consider this -- my unfinished #NyayoHouse threads, that lie on my Twitter timeline being shared today, and for me it's almost unbearable to look at them.
Here's my last tweet of the series, Day 150 actually.
Here's my last tweet of the series, Day 150 actually.
