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I am at a DC Chinatown restaurant, and an ex-Soviet family next to me is engaged in the most ex-Soviet activity ever: conducting a 10-minute interrogation of the server to make absolutely, positively sure the food they are about to order contains not a hint of spice.
Dear me, the young lady has just called the server back to triple-check every single item.
I am pouring an extra helping of Sriracha on my roast pork to salute these poor Lithianians. I feel for them. In a way.
Their food has arrived, so now they are asking about each and every sauce on the table. Homies gotta make sure nothing above -3 on the Scoville Scale makes it inside their bodies.
For more on the Russian phenomenon of aromaphobia (an actual term for the fear of spicy food) read this:
slavadoesamerica.com/whats-the-big-…
The Lithuanians are fine, everyone. They've successfully avoided spice, finished their food and are reading fortune cookies now. I am so happy for them. This was intense. Like navigating a minefield in Dubrovnik c. 1992.
Phew!
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Slava Malamud
@SlavaMalamud
Miracle on Ice is the only one that can plausibly beat USSR vs USA in basketball in 72. Yet it's not even an option. Shame.
I can even argue that 1972 was a BIGGER upset than the Miracle. Here is why.
* Prior to 1980, USSR pros had lost in hockey to USA amateurs, in 1960.
* Americans were on home ice.
* Soviets were having an underwhelming tourney.
* Soviets were extremely overconfident vs USA.
* Prior to 1972, USA college all-stars never lost A SINGLE GAME at the Olympics.
* Moreover, not a single game was ever in doubt.
* Soviets changed their head coach, for political reasons, immediately before the tourney.
* Soviets barely survived the semifinal against Cuba...
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Slava Malamud
@SlavaMalamud
Good morning, America. Yesterday you revealed something new to me: that so many of your citizens have no idea that peanut butter is a strictly US/Canada phenomenon. Yes, it's your Vegemite. Did you actually think it's enjoyed the world over, from Afghanistan to Belarus to Chile?
But, of course, such delusions are common the world over. We, for example, grew up thinking everyone all over the globe ate buckwheat porridge as a staple food...
In fact, there is a very famous Soviet children's novel in which one of the main characters goes to the Moon, encounters an evil, America-like capitalistic society and proceeds to make a lot of money (and lose it all) producing salt which makes the locals' buckwheat taste better.
Read 5 tweets
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Slava Malamud
@SlavaMalamud
I've just asked a bunch of Russkies in a Facebook group which American food they hate the most. The answer might surprise you.
Wanna guess?
Firstly, most agreed that ketchup and Wonder bread are not really food. Which is technically and chemically correct.
Coming in at number three was pumpkin pie. I personally think it's the least vile of American pies, but to an average Russian it just tastes utterly alien...
The silver medal of hatred went to BBQ. This surprised the hell out of me. Like, we came from a country where the only types of readily available meat were shitty sausage and bones for soup. I love well-smoked BBQ, but many Russians consider it a waste of meat. 🤷‍♂️
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It's Going Down
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