Thread by @QuinnyPig

It's pretty clear that @levie is a decent leader and thus unfortunately doesn't have what it takes to manage a team like a true sociopath. ☹️

Fortunately, I'm here to help! This thread is on how to manage your @zoom_us environment like a complete jerk:

https://twitter.com/levie/status/1237607813142040576

Start by turning every meeting into Surprise Underpants Time to keep people on their toes.

(The lock means that you can set this globally so that users can't override it. HELL YES you always want that on!)

Keep this one off. In the immortal words of @KeshaRose, "the party don't start till I walk in."

The long hand of corporate security needs to make itself felt during remote work. These settings absolutely help with that!

Turn all of these on except the "embed password in link" option.
@zoom_us feature request: I'd like to set the password length requirements for all of these. On dial-in, I want people to have to manually type in basically a dump of the entire @zoom_us client in hex.

Turn their desktop computers into an extension of your managerial will by enabling this gem.

This will become a lot more useful once Zoom enables the "raised middle finger" feedback option.

The only "working hours" that matter are yours. Combined with the auto-camera on feature above, users can now feel hunted at home to the point where they can't WAIT to get back to the office.

Make remote meetings just as painful as your six hour in-person rambling all-hands meetings.

Toggle all of these on and off randomly on a daily basis, then force users to reset their passwords.

There's no way this one can possibly go wrong!

Lastly, make sure that you drill into your staff exactly how important data trust and security are.

Then let them log into @zoom_us through goddamned @facebook.