A THREAD on the notion that sharing some funny detail of Mama’s care somehow “denies her dignity” or “demeans her”. For millions of carers dealing with bodily functions is routine. It’s our normal. Occasionally making fun of it is a survival strategy for both carer and cared. 1/4
There’s nothing “demeaning” about incontinence. We all have a poo and some of us need help with it. Nobody thinks it’s “demeaning” to talk about changing your child’s nappy or that you’re making fun of babies. Try to separate genuine offence from fear of your own mortality. 2/4
Buck up your ideas about what is “dignified”. Stop setting future unhappiness traps for yourself. I have news for you: IF you’re lucky enough to get old, you’ll probably need someone to wipe your butt. If you’re REALLY lucky, it may be someone who loves you enough to do it. 3/5
As a matter of fact, making me comfortable with old age, with how our bodies wither and decline, with beautifully wrinkled, time-ravaged sagginess, has been one of the greatest gifts my mother could have given me. I am immensely privileged to do for her, what she did for me. 4/5
As for Mama, she got itchy last night while we were watching telly, so she flopped her boob out and scratched it. She doesn’t give a toss what you think “dignified”. She’s free and, for the first time, totally happy in her skin. You can hoose to learn or clutch your pearls. 5/5
ADDENDUM: Truth is most people would simply like to hide people with Alzheimer’s away, because being confronted with their own fragility terrifies them. It has nothing to do with “dignity”. It is directly detrimental to the patient’s quality of life. And I ain’t doing it. 6/5
