Thread by @Memeghnad

Aadhaar through the ages.

A #thread -

Nilekani: Let there be an ID that is voluntary in nature & would prove to be an empowerment tool for millions!

UPA: Cool. Like a citizenship ID?

NN: Nope. Just an ID. No rights will be granted... But eventually... all citizen rights will be dependent on it! Get it?

UPA:

Activists: Um I think you need to create a law. This is kinda big. YUGE project. YUGE

UPA: Let there be an ID which will be created by a random attached office in the planning commission!

Activist: Wait. What?

UPA: Oh hey, Planning Comm is doing a lot of PLANNING for this, OK?

Modi & Friends: Atrocious this! Illegal! Such security issues, much wow! Met PM, didn't get answers! #outrage! #UPAsucks! #AadhaarIsAsux! Will scrap if we come to power!

UPA (2014): OK bye! It's your thing now! BYEEE!

Modi & Friends: Huh. This Aadhaar is not THAT bad also...

Modi Govt: Let there be a law that gives legal status to this lovely surveilla... I mean... Subsidy Delivery Mechanism.

Babu: But saar we don't have majority in Rajya Sabha. They will block it only. We have already enrolled so many sheep... I mean citizens.

Modi Govt: Hm. Wait.

Activist: Hey man, you can't just pass this as a Money Bill, ignore Rajya Sabha and expect us to be cool with it.

Govt: Yes we can.

Activists: Seriously? UPA screwed us and you are also doing the same thing?

Govt: Pretty much.

Activists: Sigh. See you in court.

Govt: MAKE AADHAAR MANDATORY FOR EVERYTHING!

Babu: Everything?

Govt: EVERYTHING!!!

Babu: But... court... uh...

Govt: Don't care. Didn't you hear me? MANDATORY FOR EVERYTHING!!!

Supreme Court:

Govt: Look at all these sheep... I mean... citizens enrolling for Aadhaar! It's beautiful!

Activists: That's because you have made it mandatory for EVERYTHING! WTF!

Govt: No it's because they see the benefits.

Activists: Um seriously?

Supreme Court:

Govt: Look at these savings we're doing!

Activists: Where are you getting these figures from?

Govt: Look at the corruption we are eradicating!

Activist: What is your methodology?

Govt: Look at these kids saying awesome things about Aadhaar!

Activists: WTF?

Supreme Court:

Activists: Aadhaar violates the right to privacy.

Govt: Hey, Indian citizens don't have a right to privacy only!

Supreme Court: Actually... we set up a giant bench to decide this & turns out... they do.

Govt: Hey, we always said Indians had right to privacy! #EpicWin for us!

Govt: Aadhaar is voluntary but mandatory!

Activists: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!?

Govt: Meaning, it's mandatory but voluntary!

Activists: ...

Govt: Look at these savings...

Activists: PEOPLE ARE DYING YOU MORONS STFU!? Yo SC! Decide please. What the heck is happening!

SC:

Media: You can get access to the entire Aadhaar database in 500 bucks!

UIDAI: Aadhaar data is safe. There is NO BREACH!

Media: Another case of data leakage...

UIDAI: NO BREACH!

Media: Biometrics copied in Gujarat. Aadhaar based scam happ...

UIDAI: NO BREACH! NO BREACH! NOOO!

UIDAI: Don't share your Aadhaar number publicly.

RS Sharma: Hey Twitter, I just logged in, this is crazy, here's my number, hack me maybe!

Twitter: thanks! Here's your janm kundali! Enjoy.

RSS: No harm has come to me!

UIDAI: NO BREACH. But don't share your number publicly.

Tweep: Wait. How did the UIDAI number get into my phone? I don't even have an Aadhaar.

UIDAI: NO BREACH! And that's the old number. Meh.

Google: That's my bad actually. Sorry.

UIDAI: Their fault. Also, NOT BREACH NO BREACH AADHAAR DATA IS SAFE NO BREACH!

Activists: People are getting excluded. Their fingerprints aren't matching.

UIDAI: NO BREACH. Also, we will conduct secret camps to correct errors.

Activists: How many errors are there?

UIDAI: Who knows these things! We'll find out when these sheep come to us for corrections!

Activists: But but you said biometrics are foolproof and all!

UIDAI: Yes. NO BREACH BTW. But take another layer of security: We shall make face recognition necessary for authentication. Did we say NO BREACH?

Activists: What if the photo is wrong...

UIDAI: Our job here is done!