'Asterix and Obelix' artist dies f24.my/6JUa. He lived to 92 and died in his sleep of a heart attack. My first reaction was not to feel sad for him or his family, but, "Lucky! 92. Heart attack in his sleep." Now, this is true in normal times, too: That's a lucky end.
But that response is perverse. My grandfather died suddenly at the age of 92. We were devastated. We still are. I miss him every single day. He died in 2001 and it *still* seems strange to be on this planet without him. Here he was at 89: milkenarchive.org/videos/categor…
When I listen to his voice, it seems he's still in the room: milkenarchive.org/oral-history/c…
When he died, I didn't really think, "Well, how lucky! He lived a long, fully-realized life, and he was old, anyway."
When he died, I didn't really think, "Well, how lucky! He lived a long, fully-realized life, and he was old, anyway."
No one who loved him did. Especially not my grandmother. They'd been married 70 years. We didn't think she'd survive the week when he died. We thought she'd immediately die of grief. But she lived to 101. She lived with abject, searing grief the entire time.
She missed him desperately. Of course she did. My family took turns caring for her. She lived in Washington. She had better periods and worse ones. We lived all over the world. During her worse periods, we all took turns putting our lives and careers on hold to fly to Washington.
Sometimes, for months at a time. It was immensely difficult for all of us, but there was never any question but that we'd do it: She was our grandmother. Or our mother. That's 5th Commandment 101--you *don't* just abandon her.
We didn't debate this, either--it was just so perfectly obvious that *of course* you take care of your elderly grandmother. That's what people do. None of us would have dreamt of suggesting otherwise. We never even thought it:
If you abandoned your aging Grandma, you'd just go straight to hell, right? Do not pass go, do not collect $200. That's just "Morality 101." We don't put our elderly on ice floes. We don't bump them off when they can no longer pick the crops.
In fact, we love them very much.
In fact, we love them very much.
And we try to take care of them so they can be around as long as possible.
My mother died comparatively young, of cancer. It's a source of profound sadness to my brother that she never saw her grandson grow up--especially when Leo plays the piano.
My mother died comparatively young, of cancer. It's a source of profound sadness to my brother that she never saw her grandson grow up--especially when Leo plays the piano.
He imagines my mom giving Leo pointers over Skype, and the bond the two of them would have had over their shared, supernatural musical talent, which obviously Leo got from her (or our grandparents). He sure didn't get it from us.
If she hadn't died of cancer, my mom might still be around (driving us nuts by saying "It's just the flu" or something). Extra years of a parent's or grandparents' life are priceless.
My mom--at the age she died--would have been "too old for a ventilator" in Europe now.
My mom--at the age she died--would have been "too old for a ventilator" in Europe now.
This makes sense: if you had to choose between saving my mom and saving Leo's mom, well, obviously, Leo needs his mom more. While my mom was still contributing a lot, seattlechambermusic.org/about/our-foun…, her peak earning years were probably behind her.
But seriously, folks: Don't make me explain why it's wrong to just let all the old people die because they're going to die anyway. You don't want to be the kind of person who needs to have that explained.
