#Parenting with #antivax parents: a thread.
When I was young, my antivax mom always told me that I would have to do my own research about #vaccines. When I grew up & my research led me to get myself vaccinated, she was upset.
The early conversations with my mom about my decision to get #vaxxed were difficult & emotional for us both. My mom felt like I was rejecting her. I felt betrayed.
Getting #vaccinated as an adult is an annoying & embarrassing process. I was ashamed to explain to doctors why I needed vaccines I should have gotten in childhood. I had to take time off work to get multiple doses of certain vaccines.
Even after I caught up on all my #vaccines, my mom held onto the idea that becoming a mother myself would change my mindset. "You'll feel differently when you have a child of your own," she told me. #parenting
My mom thought that I would look at my innocent, perfect baby & have a visceral reaction against #vaccinating - sticking a needle in her & "injecting" her with "chemicals." I didn't. #Parenting cannot be effective when directed by fear.
My reaction to #motherhood was not fear, but instinctive protection. I want to protect my baby from all the bad things that I can. #Vaccines allow me to do that.
The first time my baby had a cold & struggled with congestion, I felt helpless like never before in my life. I can't imagine how much worse I would feel if I hadn't #vaxxed her & she'd gotten measles or another #vaccine preventable disease.
To be fair to my mom, she doesn't see her #antivax stance as #fear. She thinks she's protective. She says she wouldn't be able to live with herself if I had been "damaged" by a #vaccine, the same way I would feel if my baby got #measles when I could've prevented it.
My mom sees #vaccinating as an action. If she'd #vaxxed me & I'd had an adverse reaction, she would have felt it was her fault, because something she did would've caused it. Catching #measles, in her mind, would be an act of nature, not her fault.
I see it as the opposite. If I can spare my baby from #measles or #chickenpox or #cancer & I don't take steps to do that by #vaccinating, then I'll feel it's my fault if she gets sick when I could have prevented it.
I've more or less dropped the #vaccine issue with my parents. We aren't going to see eye to eye. I make a point of texting them updates about my kids' #health whenever they get their #shots, including photos of them smiling with their band aids.
I thank God & modern medicine every day that I am healthy & that I have happy, healthy kids. Especially in this age of #COVID19, the blessing of health cannot be overstated.
End thread.
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It was hard, but I admitted to some friends this week that I was raised #unvaccinated. It's not the first time I've shared this info with people I know, but I do it rarely, because I'm still ashamed of it.
Their 1st question about being #unvaxed: But you're #vaccinated now, right? Yes, don't worry; I caught up on all my #vaccines.
2nd question about being #unvaxed: How did you go to school? With a #religious exemption! We were Lutheran, but #religion wasn't #antivax. We just used a religious exemption, because philosophical exemptions didn't exist in our state. This is common for #antivaxers.
#Thread: Why are people #antivax? My mom's answer to "why?" has changed over time. When I was young, she told me that she was more worried about #vaccine side effects than she was about me catching a vax preventable disease (#VPD).
As I've asked her about the issue over time & pushed back against some of her beliefs, she's given me a lot of different answers:
false link to #autism;
"#toxins;"
fear that babies' immune systems aren't developed enough to handle so many shots at once;
"Big Pharma;"
VAERS;
etc
Overall, she had a gut feeling when she first became a #mom that #vaccines are scary & if anything happened to me because she vaccinated, she'd feel guilty.
For her bday, my daughter got a Kiss Me I'm #Vaccinated shirt & a donation made to @sabinvaccine in her honor. Extra thanks to our friends for these gifts, because it was very satisfying to open them in front of my #antivax parents & have them not say a word.
I don't mean this spitefully. I make a point of keeping my parents informed about my daughter's #vaccines. She's had them all on schedule and done great. Last time, she had 4 shots for her 12 mo appointment & barely cried. She played happily the rest of the day, no big deal.
By sharing this with my parents & being vocal about #vaccines to friends & you internet strangers, I hope to combat the scary stories out there. It's not normal to share "We got #vaccinated and nothing happened, everything was fine," but we should share that.
On a mom chat board recently an #antivax mom asked for #pediatrician recommendations near where I grew up. She wanted a doctor who would let her skip #vaccines. Someone recommended my old pediatrician. I had so many thoughts...
For starters, I wish #antivaxxers wouldn't look for #pediatricians who won't challenge their #vaccine stance. Your pediatrician should be a resource to talk through your fears & correct misinformation.
My #pediatrician got me through my childhood, so at a bare minimum, he did his job. I still can't help feeling like he was a bad doctor though. I mean, an #antivax#doctor must have misunderstood significant parts of medical school.
I hear men (who are otherwise not #sexist) say, "I would be uncomfortable with a female doctor" & it makes me so mad, because it never occurred to me to choose a doctor based on #gender. Like, why have I put up with crappy male doctors all my life? #WomensHealth
To be fair, I've had good male doctors. General practitioners, OBGYNs, hematologists, neurologists. But when they're bad, it's almost exclusively because they are men and I'm a woman. #WomensHealth
One time, a male doctor misdiagnosed my kidney stone as mittelschmerz (pain during ovulation), because when a woman has pain in her side, it must be related to her lady parts. This was 10 years ago & I'm still bitter about it. #WomensHealth
#Medical rant 1: I went to the #doctor today for neck pain. My former primary care physician left the practice and they assigned me to this new guy. He is not great.
#Medical 2: This #doctor was running an hour behind, despite having a number of appointment times available when I scheduled last night. After meeting him, I'm not surprised he had a ton of openings; I suspect he doesn't have many patients.
#Medical 3: I told him my symptoms (stiff neck & limited range of motion for 3 days), and said that I couldn't think of anything I had done in the past few weeks that would have brought this on.