1) In honor of this monumentous fuckup of an occasion I solicited the opinions of several people I know who have either studied art or practice art. These are their quotes.
2) "Why in the fuck does his hand look like he's got an extra pinky tucked under there? I thought people said he was Kenyan, not Amish." Yes, I made sure to take them out to a brewery and get them drunk first. Lightweights.
3) "Did whoever draw this just not know how to do hair? Or backgrounds? Or anything?"
4) "Obama's bulge is not so impressive that you can get away with painting him manslreading."
5) "One of her arms looks like She-Hulk, then it looks like the artist said 'fuck it' and didn't pencil in definition on the other."
6) "His chair.... Its not of this world. Or this person can't do dimensions. I assume the chair is just not of this world. No way they got someone who fucked up that badly."
7) "Ok, so, where's the actual portraits? .... What? The hell do you mean these are it?"
8) "THE HANDS! THEY JUST DONT EVER EEEEEEND!"
9) "Hiw do they have kids? Hands like those it would just be handjobs and fingerbangs all day erry day."
10) "Nah, its cool Michelle doesn't have ears. If I fucked up his ears that badly, I wouldn't even bother with hers either."
11) "I can't figure out if they wanted to paint her as a bodybuilder and said fuck it halfway through, or a woman and said fuck it halfway through."
12) "His hand is as long as his forearm. No, not the fingers, look, see, the main part of his hand from his wrist to his knucles are as long as his damn forearms!"
13) "Great job on his watch. No, really, stellar job there. Now if only they'd shown that much care and skill to... Anything else really."
14) "The hell is with his sleeves? Why let that be?!? What is even happening here?!!!?"
15) "Light baby blue. Just that. Nothing else. Meanwhile he gets a full on garden hedge wall. Sexism much?"
16) "Her dress is not ok. Or her skin color. Or anything about that, really."
17) "For my senior portfolio, I missed that I had to do a portrait until the week before it was due. I didnt sleep for a week getting it done. I didn't even get a model, I just had my boyfriend send me a selfie. I threw it away after finals...
17 cont) "Someone desperate for information dug it up or possibly made a bargain with satan to retrieve it from the depths of hell, and after looking at it somehow became inspired or was driven insane. That is the only explanation for this shitshow."
18) "Its like the Emperor's New Clothes, but with a portrait. 'Oh yeah Mr Obama, those look GREEEAAAAAAT. How about you go out back for a smoke real quick.' Everyone then bursts out laughing the minute he leaves."
19) "That someone that completely shit painted presidential portrait gives me hope I'll get noticed one day."
Things have spiralled out of control from here. Calling it here. /end
