Thread by @ManMadeMoon

Still alive! Ate the sour cream. Was a little past it’s sell by date, but no mold, no bad smell, and looked alright.
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By a little, it was 3 months over its sell by date. I may be hallucinating I am sending this tweet from hospital.

In other news, i can apparently now smell colors!

There appears to be a committee of mice standing on my chest, entreating me to act as their champion in a duel to the death with a young owl by the name of Quintus Foulbeard. I told them im not much of a fighter, but they seem to think i have the reach.

I just counted a second time and I’m getting 16 toes. How many legs am i supposed to have?
...no really...

Phone is ringing... very slowly.
That’s so weird!
I can actually-
Type multiple words-
Between each-
Tintinabulation!
...
Even weirder is I’ve never used that word before in my life!
I think I may have opened a door in my mind!
or unlocked something I shouldn’t have...

Elric paused to watch the red seep across the ice. He had lost more than he had won that night, but the sword would not quieten. It snapped its leash, his soul flinching, propelling the albino onward. No rest this time. Not even Arioch itself could sate Stormbringer’s thirst-

-And that’s why You need to heat the whiskey before you add the honey. Sprinkle of salt, pepper, a dash of nutmeg, add your parsnips & roast! (I’m just pretending to talk about cooking so that you & i can talk. They are listening. I’ll have to be quick...)

It’s a shambles! There are people here who have never even heard of sticky-back plastic! (The sour cream spoke to me. Not aloud. After i swallowed it. In my mind. It told me things. Amazing, amazing things! It had evolved generations in the fridge...)

(Hold on) -I won’t pick a side. Football, Rugby; they’re both a load of balls. (That should confuse them for a tweet or two. What was i saying... oh! The sour cream has evolved! It... does not exist in our time exactly, but is trying to help humanity. It needs to!)

(Quietus Foulbeard is an anagram, you see! Of a... “color” we used to know. Our ancestors did... A micro-spectrum. A world of experience between visible light and ultraviolet. The sour cream can translate it... into smell...)

(Oh dear... the cream warned me of this. It has enemies. The Bacterium Magistratus! Hold on-) not saying the maypole dance is a great dance, but it’s ours- (my connection to the cream is fading fast! I need your help twitter! I’ll tell you what to do!)

(You need to tweet something utterly non-sensical for me to read! -to confuse the Bacterium! That way the sour cream can use its last living fizz to odor across its urgent message-) “memes?” With your ego, they should call them “youyous!” (Please! Tweet nonsense now!)

(Yes! Tweet!)
No Magisterium! Just tweeting! don’t know anything about sentient dairy-
(Almost have it!)
How am i talking to you then? Good question!
(KEEP GOING, KIDS!)
You don’t believe me?
(GOT IT!)
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APRIL FOOL YOU DAFT GITS!
Sour cream can’t talk! 😂