Rasa nak sembang about family and the change in the dynamics as a child grows older to be adult. My own observations.
My mom is happy and healthy (thank goodness), my father passed on several years ago. I’m the youngest in my family. My bro , the eldest child is almost 50 already. Neither big nor small family. Biasa only. Working class parents.
Growing up, I was never the problematic one in the family. However when I was in secondary school, I did think, (no I believed) I ‘got’ the wrong family. That how-come-her-mom-is-cooler-than-mine , those kinda shit teenagers thought about. Cared about ‘looking cool’
Let me tell you about my mother. She is firecracker. Talking non stop. Simply chat up anyone. She’s an absolute ‘mover’ and will always go out of her ways to help other people. Mostly relatives. Tapi sejak ada whatsapp groups ni her networks expland.
My father too was an extrovert. He was the life of party/ kenduri. When we got together in uncles and aunts in Klang (natural gangsta spot 💅🏾) , my father and his siblings , his nephews and nieces would laugh and talk so loud macam orang tgh gaduh.
Then as I grew up , in school and uni, had friends and got to see how other families ‘function’ and I wondered “wah so nice her parents , everyoneh happy , no one is angry, unlike my own mom”. I started comparing
What I didn’t know, didn’t understand , was because I *assumed* that their families are perfect because that was what I saw. That no one was angry, no one was arguing, everyone doing good in their studies , that laundries and houseworks are magically done.
It was in my late twenties that I fully understand that family dramas are normal, embarassing family times are real and no family (at least most) gets to escape. I believe each family has its own ‘theme’ of sufferings that it bears. Money, gambling, mistress, joblessness , abuse
.. health issues, interference by relatives (crazy in laws) , drugs, alcoholism, kids’ struggle with school, anything lah. Not necessarily by the parents lah. Sometimes ( actually a lot of times) , your own siblings buat hal.
One day, I vented about one of the family dramas to my best friend because I couldn’t tahan. To my surprise, she replied, “Babe, I know exactly how that feels. My (insert drama creator) is the same” .
I remember feeling shocked. Cause my god my family is not crazy after all!
I remember feeling shocked. Cause my god my family is not crazy after all!
You see we all have this responsibility to hold the pride of our families. We Must never ever tell family problems to friends and (especially) office ppl
Yes we share. But we share the good stuff. Happy beans kinda thing.
Sharing about the painful bits? Nah we don’t do that shit
Yes we share. But we share the good stuff. Happy beans kinda thing.
Sharing about the painful bits? Nah we don’t do that shit
As I grew comfortable sharing more painful (and embarrassing ) stuff to my closest friends , I too listened to the pains of each family. Beatiful thing with growing old is you listen to shocking / awful stuff , and you try to understand the cause & effects. To really comprehend
It’s a huge relief to be venting about family drama to a trustworthy person, beyond your family. It’s a fantastic outlet and it’s crucial to refer to second opinions sometimes. #familydrama
But it also got me thinking. How could I not see this earlier? What made me think other families are immune from their own struggles, pain and sufferings ? Because we don’t talk the painful stuff, our social media is full of Happy , smiley, beautiful moments
