PARTY: What? We have the paladin smell the door!
GM: ...what are you trying to determine here?
PARTY: RUST IS A WEIRD COLOR FOR A DOOR ALSO WE HAVE TRUST ISSUES OKAY
CHEETAH: Are there things in this world that are afraid of iron? Like fae?
CENTIPEDE: I know lots of things are afraid of centipedes.
BUFFALO: If the door was painted with centipedes, you'd be super pissed.
CENTIPEDE: THERE WOULD BE WORDS.
BUFFALO AKA STEEL: *headbutts the door* DIE, DOOR
ELEPHANT: What's your beef with doors?
BUFFALO: A door killed my brother.
ELEPHANT: What? How does that work?
BUFFALO: Revolving door. He was slow.
BUFFALO: We can never go to Sigil.
GM: *choking noises*
BUFFALO: *attempts to give them orders*
GM: The golems don't listen. How do you give orders to golems?
FOLKLORIST PARTY MEMBERS: Well, you write it on a slip of paper and put it in their heads...
BIRD: *screams obscenities*
BUFFALO: ...ok. CENTIPEDE, take this slip--
CENTIPEDE: ON IT.
BUFFALO: Look for a hole! Is there a hole in its head?
GM: ...there's an ear?
CENTIPEDE: I look in the ear.
GM, HOPELESSLY: There's a lot of wax.
BUFFALO: At a guess, it acts like somebody just shoved a roll of paper in its ear!
BUFFALO: Maybe we should roll to see if any of us actually know how golems work in this world...
GM: You don't know. They have a rich inner life. At least, if you've given them the order to have a rich inner life.
ELEPHANT: I just think there's a lack of intelligence here.
CENTIPEDE, GLOOMILY: On every side, sadly.
BUFFALO: BECAUSE YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHERE I AM WILLING TO SHOVE THIS SLIP OF PAPER ON THAT GOLEM
BUFFALO: Sure, yeah. Dodging is for people with fewer hit points.
CENTIPEDE: We have initiative?!
BUFFALO: That was a surprise round. We're all surprised it worked.
GM: The most effective way to stop them is to take them apart.
CENTIPEDE: Oh come on! That works on ANYTHING!
GM: THIS IS NOT A PUZZLE THEY ARE FLESH GOLEMS YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO KILL THEM
BUFFALO: Ok, what if we stab a hole in them and then put in a note saying "This note supersedes all the other notes?"
GM: THEY'RE FLESH GOLEMS THEY'RE STINKY AND--
CORGI: Oh no! They can still do good deeds!
BUFFALO: We'll terrorize the town with flesh golems helping little old ladies across the street!
TOAD: This is the party that insisted we rehome the hellhounds.
GM: *muffled noises of despair*
CENTIPEDE: Does it look like the instructions take effect?
CENTIPEDE: The instructions said "Die." I do it again.
BUFFALO: Do it often enough and it'll LOOK like it worked!
CENTIPEDE: Initialize the golem!
BUFFALO: REBOOT THE GOLEM
GM: ....my hand seems to have affixed itself to my face.
BUFFALO, DEADPAN: You're gonna need a bigger bow.
PARTY: *assorted noises of disapproval*
GM: The golem's head is now a fine red mist across the room and your companions.
CORGI: I shake myself off!
GM: ...you're gonna roll in that later, aren't you?
CORGI: I mean yeah, probably.