1. Hello and welcome! It’s episode 212 of #MrMrsBetterHalf. Mr. & Mrs. Better Half is designed to strengthen marriages & relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word. 
2. If you missed the last episode, we discussed the topic- “My relationships have a one-month cycle. Something always happens to mess them up. What am I doing wrong?” If you missed it, get it here bit.ly/2B2d3Ne #MrMrsBetterHalf.
3. This week’s episode is a tough one. “We’ve been trying for years to have a child. Medically neither of us is at fault but my husband went ahead and had a child outside. I’m devastated. What do I do?” #MrMrsBetterHalf
4. I’m sorry about your pain. Infidelity hurts especially when it is due to no fault of yours. The truth is that even if there were medical issues, infidelity would still not be acceptable. That’s why we make vows when we get married. #MrMrsBetterHalf
5. People, life will hit you with some curve balls and that is when you need to show your mettle. Anyone can make promises when the going is good, but when the chips are down, can you keep that promise? #MrMrsBetterHalf
6. Marriage is not for fair weather friends… it’s for those people called ‘ride or die friends’. When the going is good, we ride together, if it isn’t we die together! For better or worse, spouses should stand by each other. #MrMrsBetterHalf
7. If you are cheating on a spouse because of childlessness, you need to look in the mirror and see that you are not only failing your spouse, you are failing yourself! #MrMrsBetterHalf
8. What stuff are you really made of? Are you a soldier or a weakling? It takes strength to wrestle a giant. It’s cowards that run the other way in the face of a challenge. Stand by your spouse and fight for what you want! #MrMrsBetterHalf
9. In war, a person who abandons their post is called a deserter. He or she is dishonourably discharged, charged with a crime and may even be imprisoned. Desertion of your spouse in times of trouble is a crime! Stop cheating and go back home. #MrMrsBetterHalf
10. Now to the person whose spouse has cheated on her, there are two main issues. The first is that trust has been betrayed and the second is that your husband has settled himself and has brought third parties into your lives. #MrMrsBetterHalf
11. I cannot tell you whether or not you should stay with your spouse but I can tell you that from a Christian perspective you have 2 options: You can forgive and stay or you can forgive and walk away. Either way, you must forgive. #MrMrsBetterHalf
12. Refusing to forgive only holds you captive to the pain and hurt of that betrayal. You need to forgive the cheating spouse more for your own well-being than for his or hers. It will be difficult but it will be worth it. #MrMrsBetterHalf
13. Let’s see the first option- walking away. Infidelity is a ground for separation even in Christianity so that is not a problem, but walking away also comes with its own challenges that you need to be prepared for. #MrMrsBetterHalf
14. For some, the concern is that age is not on their side and starting over would be difficult. There’s also the feeling that you’re the one who failed in marriage or that you’re the one who is infertile since your spouse had a child outside. #MrMrsBetterHalf
15. Divorce in itself can also be a long, lonely, tedious process, especially where there are issues of asset distribution and other monetary issues. It becomes even worse if the cheating spouse was the primary income earner. #MrMrsBetterHalf
16. Now, these and other things are real factors that you have to consider and be prepared to tackle if you feel that you cannot cope with your spouse’s betrayal. Ensure you have a great support system that can help you through this time. #MrMrsBetterHalf
17. Also know that you will need some time of your own to heal, to forgive and to feel whole again. Trust God for the grace of emotional healing and the heart to trust and to love again. You must fight the temptation to be bitter. #MrMrsBetterHalf
18. When some people get hurt, they write off marriage completely, but that makes you a victim. Don’t become a negative statistic. Rewrite the story and decide that there will be a beauty that will come out of the ashes. #MrMrsBetterHalf
19. Also, know that not every man or woman is a cheat. There are good people out there. Don’t despise the possibility of a second chance. Nothing is impossible if you trust God and open your heart to possibilities. #MrMrsBetterHalf
20. Now the other option is that you forgive your spouse and stay in the marriage. The strong premise for this decision should be that your husband is actually remorseful and wants to rebuild trust with you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
21. The first thing to establish is the status of the other woman. Is she a mistress or a mistake of his past? If he still has emotional ties to her then he is not yet ready to commit to you and rebuild trust. #MrMrsBetterHalf
22. The truth is that some men want to eat their cake and have it. Do not stand for that. There must be definite boundaries drawn between the two families with rules that define interaction and responsibilities. #MrMrsBetterHalf
23. Men, let me talk to you now. If you’ve cheated on your wife and you want her back, the boundaries and rules that will need to be in place to rebuild trust in your life will not be for your comfort, but for hers. #MrMrsBetterHalf
24. This is not the time to be looking for compromises that will make your life easy. She has made the biggest compromise of all- deciding to forgive you, rebuild trust with you and restore your marriage. #MrMrsBetterHalf
25. You are going to have to make some hard decisions and you will need to stick by them. One of which would be to esteem your wife above everything else- even the child that you now have. Only God should come before her. #MrMrsBetterHalf
26. That’s not to say that you will not love and provide for your child, but you must remember that this is a very sore point for your wife and you need to give her room and space to figure out what works for her. #MrMrsBetterHalf
27. Some women are able to accept the child and become good stepmothers. For some others, the child is like salt in a wound- a reminder of your infidelity and the fact that they don't have children. You must be sensitive. #MrMrsBetterHalf
28. Do not insist that the child move in with you. Ask her. If she is not amenable then figure out a way that you can still be a father to the child and a faithful husband to her. If she comes around, fine, but if she doesn’t it should still be fine. #MrMrsBetterHalf
29. I have spoken with men going through this situation that complain that their wives are being mean or unreasonable. It is childish to think that you can create a big mess and everybody fall in line so that life can be easy for you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
30. Even in the case of Abraham and Sarah, (Genesis 20, 21) Abraham eventually had to send Hagar and her son away when Hagar taunted his wife because she had a child and Sarah did not. Yet the situation was arguably Sarah’s fault! #MrMrsBetterHalf
31. You must not let your spouse be the object of ridicule or abuse. It must be apparent not just to her but to others that you intend to esteem her above all else- even above the child- because the child is not your life partner; your wife is. #MrMrsBetterHalf
32. Your focus should be to rebuild trust with your wife. The truth is that once she knows she can trust you and you will never cheat on her again she can let her guard down and will not feel threatened by the existence of the child. #MrMrsBetterHalf
33. Another thing that is critical is that you must draw boundaries in your interaction with the other woman. Your wife needs to be in the know about and approve of all your dealings with her. No secrets. This is very important. #MrMrsBetterHalf
34. Now back to the lady. I must emphasize again that if you want to stay in the marriage, you cannot be a prison warden. You must forgive your husband and be willing to work with him to restore your marriage to good health. #MrMrsBetterHalf
35. You should not hold this indiscretion over him and seek to punish him or hurt him the way he hurt you. That will help nobody. Also, remember that in all these things the child is the innocent party. He or she has done no wrong. #MrMrsBetterHalf
36. Be innocent of evil particularly where it concerns this child. Do not vent your anger, frustration or disappointment on him or her. In so doing you move from being the wronged party to the guilty one. Be kind to him or her. #MrMrsBetterHalf
37. As concerns the matter of having your own children, relax and trust God to bless you. Already you know that there’re no medical issues. Focus on building your marriage so your child can be born to a good, happy, stable home. #MrMrsBetterHalf
38. The truth is that this is a very difficult situation that will need time, counsel and a good support system to overcome- whether or not you decide to stay with your mate or you decide to move on. #MrMrsBetterHalf
39. If you are in this situation and need help, send a direct message to @elevationng or email info@elevationng.org so that we can connect you with someone who can counsel you or pray with you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
40. I hope this has been helpful. I will be back next week with another topic. If you have a question, feel free to send me a message and I will try to address it in subsequent episodes. #MrMrsBetterHalf
41. Till then, thank you for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf
