Tip for women in tech:
You probably already do a quick scan of emails to look for typos and other mistakes.
Use that same time to edit out phrases that soften your points, excuse something that doesn't need to be excused, apologize when no apology is needed.
You probably already do a quick scan of emails to look for typos and other mistakes.
Use that same time to edit out phrases that soften your points, excuse something that doesn't need to be excused, apologize when no apology is needed.
Every circumstance is different. I'm not saying this is always the right course. Sometimes you SHOULD apologize or have "In my opinion..." in your email. These are just general tips.
All of that being said, here's a list of the sorts of things to watch for.
All of that being said, here's a list of the sorts of things to watch for.
"I think the best approach is to..." becomes "The best approach is to..."
You have expertise, not random thoughts. Don't downgrade it.
You have expertise, not random thoughts. Don't downgrade it.
"I'm sorry but data shows that's not the right approach..." becomes "I understand your point but data shows..."
Don't apologize. Even worse, that's apologizing for what you haven't even said yet. Adding "I understand your point" backs up your expertise.
Don't apologize. Even worse, that's apologizing for what you haven't even said yet. Adding "I understand your point" backs up your expertise.
"Just wanted to see if you have a minute to go over..." becomes "Let's get a cup of coffee and go over..."
Double whammy in that one. "Just wanted" immediately diminishes your request to a favor. "Have time" implies lesser importance.
Double whammy in that one. "Just wanted" immediately diminishes your request to a favor. "Have time" implies lesser importance.
"I'd like to meet on Tuesday. Sound good? :-)" becomes "Let's meet on Tuesday, if that works for you?"
"I'd like to..." is a preference, while "Let's meet" is an affirmative statement. 1/2
"I'd like to..." is a preference, while "Let's meet" is an affirmative statement. 1/2
Be very aware of when you use emoticons. They weaken anything you're trying to say when often you use them to avoid the "bitch" label. Ask yourself:
Example for smileys: Am I actually smiling about this? Am I the type who smiles a lot? If the answer is no, delete the smiley.
Example for smileys: Am I actually smiling about this? Am I the type who smiles a lot? If the answer is no, delete the smiley.
I'll probably add more examples to this thread but I wanted to take a minute to say this:
I have done all of these things. I still do all of these things. I've been in tech 25 years & have no confidence issues & I STILL DO THESE THINGS.
We have to become aware and be vigilant.
I have done all of these things. I still do all of these things. I've been in tech 25 years & have no confidence issues & I STILL DO THESE THINGS.
We have to become aware and be vigilant.
A couple examples from folks who chimed in on the thread!
"Would you mind scheduling..." or "if you don't mind, can you schedule..." becomes "Let's schedule... or let's chat."
Leave the door open for disagreement but don't make the meeting sound optional unless it really is.
"Would you mind scheduling..." or "if you don't mind, can you schedule..." becomes "Let's schedule... or let's chat."
Leave the door open for disagreement but don't make the meeting sound optional unless it really is.
"It could be that..." or "it might be that..." is fine when you're genuinely speculating. Always be clear when you're speculating and when you have data.
But when you're NOT speculating, don't hedge. State the facts and point to the evidence or data.
But when you're NOT speculating, don't hedge. State the facts and point to the evidence or data.
