My threads where I got really needlessly angry about burgers are doing the rounds again today, so it's probably time to ascend the burger pulpit one last time, to slap a bun on this whole thing and round out the trilogy.
If you really want to catch up on all my thoughts about burgers, you can find the first thread here, which links to the second one at its conclusion:
I'm going to start this with a bit of contrition. Because although I'm known for getting cross before about teetering, fifteen quid slush piles masquerading as burgers, today I want to stress how pointless it is telling people they're wrong about food.
I'm not talking about moral/ethical arguments about food, which are often very legit, but that kind of thing where people go all bug-eyed and start hissing because other people cook steak too much or enjoy pineapple on pizza.
(I'm still right about burgers, because my whole argument was that they are a food defined by a mechanical purpose - ie "a meal u can hold while keeping your hands clean" - and so when they lose that purpose they are like a horse with a worm's body, or an owl that fears mice)
(And before you tell me it would be cool to have a horse with a worm's body, think again sucker. That poor bastard would crave soil it couldn't eat, and good luck galloping with a segmented body that slithers around via peristalsis. That's a bad animal; that's a pipe with a face)
Anyway, back to food. So often, when we tell other people they're wrong about food, we're just boasting; we're doing the equivalent of children lying about their dads' jobs in order to seem hard.
I'm not going to touch the pineapple on pizza debate, because it's like choosing a side in Scottish Old Firm football; not something you do fucking lightly. But steak one-upmanship is definitely ripe for a beasting, I reckon, and it's burger-adjacent enough to be on topic.
Truth is, steak is pretty much a totally subjective food. Whether it's good is mostly down to the quality of the meat, and nobody wants to admit how easy it is to prepare. The whole business is about hammering your particular brain's pleasure centres as effectively as possible.
Some people, as soon as the topic of steak comes up, are fucking _desperate_ to let everyone know that they like to eat it raw/still mooing/etc. And yeah, if it's fillet steak with no collagen or fat it's amazing uncooked. But raw ribeye is a lot less enjoyable
Honestly, I'll quite happily cook a ribeye at least to medium, because I'm there for the sizzly fat. I've got no interest at all in labouring my way through a load of ropey connective tissue for the sake of making the point that I'm a werewolf guy who's super into raw meat.
I'm actually gonna cap this one here because I'm basically feeling pretty relaxed and saying we should all just cook things the way we like them - which is true but not quite as entertaining as hollering about shit burgers. Have a great sunday friends xx
