I want to tell a story: Once in high school, I felt insecure, I put on a tight top too low cut and dark lipstick I didn't usually wear. I went to a party drank terrible wine coolers, too many of them. A man asked me if I wanted to leave, I slurred, said maybe. He said "maybe"?
And then he said "maybe isn't yes" and I went home that night, un-assaulted, because I hadn't talked to a rapist at that party.
Another story: I went out drinking with girl friends at a bar a few years later. I was flirting with a guy there, he grabbed my hand, pulled me outside, into an alley, he kissed me hard and then looked at me and said, "yes?" I didn't say anything.
He said "go back inside then," maybe he was annoyed but he meant it, I went back inside. There wasn't a rapist at that bar.
One time a guy and I had flirted, he invited me to his room, I went we kissed, I said I liked it, he took off his clothes, I touched him, he tried to take off my clothes, I resisted, he said "seems like you're not into this" I said, ehhh, he said, no, it's only fun if you want it
I said, I'm sorry, he said it's ok. I left, unmolested. I was lucky, I hadn't met a rapist that night.
I've been assaulted. I've also been not assaulted. The difference didn't seem to be what I was wearing, how flirty I was, how much I was drinking. The only difference seemed to be whether or not the men felt it was ok or not to assault.
thank you to everyone who reached out to me and who shared their stories on this thread. in case you want to share with someone off Twitter, Vox asked me to write this piece vox.com/first-person/2…
