Life Itself: the theatre is *empty*
Actually, even the staff are largely absent. No one checked my ticket.
Actually, even the staff are largely absent. No one checked my ticket.
That Ford commercial that implies electric cars have been locked up in their labs for years, but accidentally escaped
Trailers:
Sharkwater Extinction
Dumbo
The Girl in the Spider's Web
Hunter Killer
Beautiful Boy
Sharkwater Extinction
Dumbo
The Girl in the Spider's Web
Hunter Killer
Beautiful Boy
Oh no
Oh no
"Let's listen to Hoobastank now"
What if a script was made exclusively from ideas first year film students' worst gimmicky ideas? Let's find out.
OMFG
Satan take the wheel, I need to punch everyone who made this.
Imagine every smug black box stage play monologue ever written smashed into a single movie.
"Let's get impossibly stoned, watch Rashomon and Pulp Fiction, then write a screenplay"
-where this movie came from
-where this movie came from
Now it's just boring AF
Okay, back to bugnuts
There's only 12 minutes left and the movie has gone nowhere for almost an hour.
The narration keeps using words wrong.
"What she said next requires no translation"
<eight hour monologue>
<eight hour monologue>
And for good measure one final WTF
It's two hours of floaty medium close up monologues that ramble and go nowhere "on pourpose" because "that's what life is like"
The screenwriters really, really want you to know they've seen Pulp Fiction, Adaptation, and Eternal Sunshine many, many times.
Kaufman, Gondry, and Tarrantino should sue for royalties.
"I'm writing about the inherent inauthenticity of storytelling, and thus I don't need to care about details because bad details are just the expression of inauthenticity!" Fogelman sobs into his grave as I chamber a round.
Note: I don't actually think Life Itself merits a gangland execution, this is what's known as "comedy", a concept apparently foreign to Dan Fogelman.
This really is one of those movies where every beat lands like it was written by aliens who had only had movies described to them.
Olivia Wilde's prosthetic pregnant belly is so fake looking at first I thought she just had pillows stuffed under her shirt.
It looks even more fake in that they gave her zero coaching on how to move or walk like someone who's eight and a half months pregnant.
