THREAD: So, I want to talk today about how editors price their projects. It can be a contentious subject among editors, and I know to authors sometimes the prices we quote can seem astronomical. 1/
But there are reasons each editor charges what they do, so let’s look at how an editor might come up with a quote.
I’ll talk about per-project rates here, rather than per word, page or hour, for simplicity. 2/
I’ll talk about per-project rates here, rather than per word, page or hour, for simplicity. 2/
The first thing the editor needs to know is the total number of words in the project. So obviously, authors, you’ll need to count your words. This is very simple. 3/
You start at the beginning of the document, and for every word you find, put a stone in a bag. When you get to the end of the document, send your bag of stones to the editor. Use recorded delivery. 4/
When the editor receives the bag of stones, they will weigh them using their editorial stone-weigher. Many newbie editors don’t think it’s worth investing in one of these. They’re right. They almost never work, so you end up counting the stones by hand anyway. 5/
So now your editor has your word count, they need to know how much work the writing needs. Many will assess this by doing a sample edit. Some editors do this for free; some ask for a small payment, such as £3000, or the sacrifice of an elderly goat. 6/
Send your editor 500-1000 words of your manuscript. Doesn't matter if they're in the right order. 7/
Now the editor will do the sample edit and work out how much to charge. Many editors will tell you this isn’t an exact science. They’re WRONG. There is a tried-and-tested, absolutely 100% correct formula, and editors, I’m going to give it to you. 8/
First of all, you take the number of seconds it took you to do the sample edit. Divide this by the number of words in the sample. 9/
Next, find the square root of that number, and round to 5 decimal places. 10/
Then, get rid of all the decimals. What are you pissing about with decimals for? Are you trying to make life difficult for yourself? 11/
Now, add 4.
Add another 4.
Then take away 4.
Keep taking away 4 until you have 4. If you want it bad enough, it'll happen. 12/
Add another 4.
Then take away 4.
Keep taking away 4 until you have 4. If you want it bad enough, it'll happen. 12/
Find the letter of the alphabet that corresponds to the number you have, so A=1, etc. But you have 4, so your letter is D.
Think of a country beginning with that letter. 13/
Think of a country beginning with that letter. 13/
It’s Denmark, isn’t it? 14/
Go to Denmark. 15/
In Denmark, you will find the Cave of the Editing Dragon. Everyone knows where it is. There’s a bus directly from every airport. The journey is long, the road treacherous. Take snacks. 16/
When you get to the cave, give the dragon your offering of 12 copies of the Chicago Manual of Style. There’s a stand near the toilets that sells them if you forgot to bring any with you. 17/
After the dragon has accepted your offering, she will breathe out a flame in the shape of a number. Pay very close attention – the number will fade within 3.2 seconds. 18/
Write that number down. Don’t try to take a picture of it on your phone – you’ll probably still be in selfie mode and all you’ll get is a photo of yourself with too many chins. 19/
When you get home, multiply the number the dragon gave you by the number of stones in the bag. Realise this comes to £487,000 and that no one is going to pay that. 20/
Pull a price out of your arse and quote that. Don’t forget to add the cost of your Denmark flights to your final invoice as “Expenses, misc.". /END
The thing about this being retweeted and liked so many times is that I'm forced to constantly look at all the random double spaces that somehow snuck in there. I swear I'm better at editing stuff when I'm being paid to do it.
