Thread by @AutismAdulting

(Thread)

TW: R slur, old-fashioned and ableist beliefs, brief transphobia, using “autistic” to mean “stupid”, ABA

Just had a horrible fight with my mother. She still thinks I’m a “modern hipster just looking for attention”, as she puts it, for wanting to get a diagnosis.

I told her about my evaluation last week and she said, “I knew you were r*tarded when you were fixated on ‘accepting’ Legacy’s autism. And ‘supporting’ your confused SON, who is definitely not this modernista ‘non binary’ bullshit. Yeah, those were some real autistic beliefs.”

And then my autism-related characteristic sense of social justice got in the way, and I yelled at her for using the r-word and the word autistic as an insult, and that accepting my childrens’ differences was the best decision I made as a parent, not the worst. She took enormous

offense to this. Then she went on a tangent about how terrible it was that I discontinued ABA therapy for my daughter Legacy. She was an ABA therapist herself, and remains a proud ABA apologist. I told her that it just didn’t work very well for my child, and she replied that ABA

worked for every child and unlike many other “interventions”, there was a one-size-fits-all. We got into a heated debate about ABA where I told her all the abusive things Legacy was exposed to in her ABA program, such as seclusion, restraint, and emotional gaslighting, and she

remarked that these were not abuse, just a form of treatment that has proven to be “effective.”

She also keeps mentioning “leaving the family” if I get a diagnosis.

I want to help her. I have mercy for her. I know she’s from a different era when autism was more stigmatized. I still love her, as do my kids, and I know she still loves me and her grandkids.

But I also want to educate her. I know that’s not possible, but autism is a big part of

who I am, and if she can’t accept the reality of the way my brain works, she can’t accept me. #AskingAutistics Do you have any advice?