Thread by @garius

Okay, apologies in advance to anyone who ever wanted to sit down on the Tube ever again, but here we go...

Let's talk bedbugs on the Underground and commuter trains. /1

https://twitter.com/lottelydia/status/1059726657236328448

So, bed bugs are WAY more common than most people realise. This is partly because not everyone reacts to their bites. Indeed only a minority do. So often they'll be in people's houses without them even knowing.

They are also not confined to beds. They just like them. /2

Like Incels, your average bed bug is just looking for:

1) Access to flesh
2) Somewhere warm and (preferably) fabricy to sleep while they digest (which can take several days after a big feed)
3) A dark hole in which to procreate.

WHY HELLO PRETTY MUCH EVERY TRAIN SEAT EVER! /3

Of course train companies know this, and - TfL included - take plenty of steps to try and prevent active infestation.

The trouble is, bed bugs are tough little fuckers that can only really be killed by extreme heat or cold. And you can't do that EVERY DAY, obviously. /4

And therein lies the problem. Because bed bugs spread when pregnant individuals or (more commonly) their tiny white, sticky eggs, become attached to clothing or bags.

You know. The kind of stuff we all put on in the morning before we leave the house to commute to work. /5

So no matter how frequently TfL or the operators clean their trains, THE MOMENT that train re-enters service it is INSTANTLY exposed to upwards of 1000 potential accidental bed bug carriers on EVERY JOURNEY IT MAKES /6

Just what percentage of those people might be carrying bed bugs? Well London isn't up to it's peak bed bug level again yet (that was turn of the century when about 30% or so of houses had bed bugs) but reports say we're up past the teens. /7

So what happens is:

1) bed bug carrying person sits (or puts bag) on seat.
2) They squirm around a bit and eggs rub off.
3) They get up and leave
4) You go OMG YEY SEAT
5) The eggs stick to you
6) You get home carrying them
7) aaaaand congrats on your new insectoid pets! /8

Either that or, if the operator is a bit lazy and hasn't been cleaning their seats properly (and I CANNOT IMAGINE any London train operators that might fall into that category 😂😂😂) that bed bug hatches in the seat and just NOM NOM NOMs people there. /9

So, now that you're particularly squicked out, you want to know what the WORST lines in London are for bed bug exposure, right?

Well it varies, but from what I've been most recently told it's CURRENTLY the Victoria, Northern and Central lines, and - you guessed it - SWR /10

So next time you see a seat become free on your commute and think YES OMG SO LUCKY just remember that you may well be about to sit in a nice, thriving or potential bed bug colony just waiting to stick their probosci into your fleshy bits and suck your blood.

NOM NOM NOM /11

Oh and if that hasn't ruined enough of your travel, then I should point out that EVERYTHING I'VE SAID ABOVE also applies to airline seats.

Because do you REALLY think that those budget lines high-temp clean or treat the seats during your plane's 20min turn around time? 🤔 /12

And it also applies to a lot of AirBnBs. Because - again - do you REALLY trust that your host has washed those sheets at above 60 degrees and done a full mattress check between each stay?

There's a reason it's worth paying for a good hotel. /13

Anyway, back to trains: so what can you do to limit your chance of getting bitten or transferring eggs back to your own home?

Well, if you're just going a few stops, and you're lucky enough to be healthy enough to do so, DON'T FUCKING SIT DOWN /14

But if you do decide to, then just think a bit more carefully about how you behave when you get home. Have work clothes that are completely separate from your home clothes. Don't climb into bed fully clothed no matter how tempting that duvet looks. That kind of stuff. /15

Also, pick up a passive detector from these people. Stick it by your mattress. They last a year. check them once a month. If you see bed bug signs on it, then gratz - you've caught an infestation early and that's far easier to deal with! bed-bugs.co.uk/shop/ /16

And basically just accept that if you live in London, and commute, then you are PROBABLY going to get bed bugs at some point. But - from personal experience - trust me, the quicker you catch it the less painful (and costly) dealing with it will be. /17

Normally this is where I say "if you like my writing..." but in this case WHATISWRONGWITHYOU if that's true. If you like long reads about history or transport though then here:

medium.com/@garius
londonreconnections.com

And a Patreon here: patreon.com/lonrec /18

Oh, and enjoy your train ride home tonight.

Because this guy probably will... 😉 /END