Thread by @garius

LIDINGTON: What about Margot James?
MAY: Remainer
LIDINGTON: IDS?
MAY: Feck off
LIDINGTON: Oooh! Here's one... Stephen Barclay
MAY: Never heard of him
LIDINGTON: Just looking him up... literally two paragraphs on Wikipedia
MAY: Is one 'Controversy?'
LIDINGTON: Nope
MAY: He'll do

MAY: Hello Stephen
BARCLAY: Oh God what have I done wrong?
MAY: Nothing, Stephen! Don't be nervous!
BARCLAY: It's just I've never been in Number 10 before.
MAY: Really?
BARCLAY: Well once but... God sorry, I'm a bit nervous
MAY <aside>: Oh he's PERFECT
LIDINGTON: Isn't he just

MAY: Stephen I
BARCLAY: I haven't written a letter
MAY: Pardon?
BARCLAY: A letter. I don't know what you've heard. But I haven't written to the 1922
MAY: I know Stephen
BARCLAY: Oh GOD of course you know. Sorry. I'm just...
MAY/BARCLAY <together>: Nervous
BARCLAY: hahaha
MAY: Ha

MAY: Anyway. Congratulations Stephen. You're here because I want to promote you.
STEPHEN: Oh God PLEASE not Work and Pensions?!
MAY: Even better!
STEPHEN: Oh no
MAY: ConGRATulations Mr Brexit Minister
STEPHEN: Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

MAY: It's fine. Take a minute
STEPHEN: Oh god. Oh god. Oh god
LIDINGTON: Try putting your head between your legs
STEPHEN: Oh god. Oh god. I think I'm going to be sick
LIDINGTON <points>: That way

<vomiting sounds>

LIDINGTON: That went well
MAY: Sarcasm doesn't suit you, David

INTERMISSION: It is 5pm here in London (I don't know what it is outside the M25) so I am going down the pub. I think I've earned it. 😜

If you feel like buying me a pint, you can do so here: ko-fi.com/garius

<a fortnite server>

CLARKE: Shouldn't you be doing something today?
HAMMOND: Probably
CLARKE: You going to?
HAMMOND: Nope. Any Heals?
CLARKE: Here. Oh hey David's on. Will team
HAMMOND: Don't invite! Don't invi...
LIDINGTON: Hey everyone what we... oh. Hi Phil
HAMMOND: Hi David

ASIDE: Just to let those of you who kindly donated last night know: I have a Govthulu-sized hangover this morning and it is YOUR fault.

LIDINGTON: You weren't at work yesterday
HAMMOND: I was ill. I sent you a text
CLARKE: Dude knocked. Need mats
LIDINGTON: And you've not answered Theresa's emails about today
HAMMOND: I'm still ill
LIDINGTON: You don't sound it
HAMMOND: Must be the mic
CLARKE: GUYS. THE GAME.

LIDINGTON: Guys can we invite Stephen? I wanna make him feel part of the team
CLARKE: Done
BARCLAY: Hey
CLARKE: Stevey
BARCLAY: I'm new to this what do I do?
HAMMOND: Stand at the front. Take fire so we don't
CLARKE: LOL
LIDINGTON: Phil!
HAMMOND: What?! I'm talking about Fortnite

<elsewhere>

ROBO VOICE: Welcome to HSBC telephone banking. Please say your name for voice id.
GOVE: MicHAel GoVe
ROBO VOICE: I'm sorry we
GOVE: mIChAEL gOVe
ROBO VOICE: I'm sorry
GOVE <unzipping>: GaH oNE sEcOND
GOVE: <buzz of a thousand locusts>
ROBO VOICE: Welcome Michael.

(PSA: This thread is a continuation of this one - so start there. We broke twitter threading. 🤓

https://twitter.com/garius/status/1062983853260918784

)

LIDINGTON: Nadine Dorres is on TV
MAY: Poundshop Enoch? Has "I'm A Celebrity" started then?
LIDINGTON: Sky News. She says this is a bad deal. We get No MEPs and no votes.
MAY: Huh. I thought she said she was pro-Brexit?
LIDINGTON: She did
MAY: Do you want to tell her or shall I?

DAVIS: The Davis is back!
MAY: Joy. How was the US?
DAVIS: Excellent. They have started on the procedures to allow negotiations to start immediately once we leave the EU in March
MAY: Sooo you sent them an Outlook Invite?
DAVIS: Yes!
MAY:
DAVIS: AND they accepted! Go team Davis!

Fresh week, fresh thread! Saga continues here:

https://twitter.com/garius/status/1064462129582022658