THREAD: Imagine if the top South African political parties were siblings in a Black family...
ANC: The first born. She's widow since 1998. She runs family meetings. She has a catering company. Has more money than everyone but has been to court countless times because she is always involved in dubious schemes. Believes everyone is jealous of her. Drives a Range Rover.
IFP: The eldest male. Now gets along with everyone. That was not the case when he had a thriving business with butcheries, supermarkets and taxis. Went through a messy divorce and things fell apart. Drives a BMW 745i. 2001 model.
DA: She married a White man and moved to Cape Town. None of the siblings have something nice to say about her. Completely out of touch when it comes to family matters. She avoids everyone. When she talks at family meetings, eyes are rolled. Heavy twang. Drives the latest Audi A5.
COPE: ANC's child when she was 14. Grew up as one of the siblings. He calls ANC "sisi". Nobody talks about that. He won the lotto in 2002 and sqaundered it all by 2006. He is now the guardian of the family home. His 2002 Kompressor is parked in the yard.
UDM: He is the most respected member of the family mainly because he has taken care of everyone during their time of need. He loves his Lion Lager and 100 Reserve. The family waits for him to slaughter any animal. Drives an Isuzu Double Cab.
AGANG: She passed away as a toddler.
EFF: The last born. She married an advocate. Was a nurse. She hates ALL her siblings except Bhut' UDM. She knows all the family secrets. Always a dumpie of Smirnoff Spin on her hand during family meetings & her infamous threat is "ningafuni ngikhulume". Drives a VW Tiguan.
BLF: That cousin! A Teacher. His parents died when he was young and he grew up in the family. He doesn't get along with EFF especially (babanga ukusa). Functional alcoholic. Upset that COPE kept the family home even though he has no claim to it. Drives Toyota Corolla. 1999 model.
