Thread by @gravislizard

okay so fuck this

i'm being petty an presumptuous - i don't have 11:29 to spare, i'm too busy being 30 and disappointed - but, just make the spaghetti and meatballs. put spices in it until you like it. if you aren't impressed? add more

lemme tell you something i've personaly discovered

you know what adding cheese to a dish does, 95% of the time? changes the texture. has no impact on flavor

herbs? you need to add those by the fucking quarter cup before anyone will notice them. GO HARD, FUCKFACE

if you are COMING TO THE KITCHEN

you better come here to WIN

and the only way to WIN

is to absolutely fucking devastate the tastebuds

i used to cook bacon, chop it up and put it in my Velveeta Shells And Cheese. stopped because i realized that was due to propaganda. salt just tastes like salt. this was the beginning of my awakening.

not all tongues are the same! some people can taste shit i can't. the point is, though, ask yourself: WHAT CAN YOU ACTUALLY TASTE

if you make shells & cheese and add bacon to it and the bacon tastes like a dental probe on a novacained tooth, don't bother

my point is not "don't try things" or "cuisine is worthless lol" it's "don't let yourself be hitched to a wagon your horse isn't pulling." differently put: i realized that all the "conspicuous consumption" food of the late 2000s did absolutely nothing for me,

putting four layers of bacon on a burger? I can't taste it. it's nothing. most of the "xtreme" food of early 2010s youtube is absolutely lost on me. I can't really taste anything beyond Jack In The Box Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger

Now, this is because I don't have a Type 4 Tongue. "Gravis, what the fuck are you on about" well, I've observed that (surprise fucking surprise) people don't taste things the same way. We Just Fucking Don't. And I have a limited palate *by fucking birth*

I *cannot* taste certain things, and my tastebuds are easily overwhelmed. Iceberg lettuce absolutely overwrites my tastebuds. I can't taste anything through it. I've had thousands of burgers with lettuce because I carry this continuous guilt of being a Philistine

but you know what? one square millimeter of lettuce absolutely overwhelms my tastebuds. I can't taste ANYTHING through that. I can't taste meat, or cheese, or spices. So I take it off.

I have a Basic-Ass Palate. Call it "Type 1" if you want. idk if there's studies on this - I feel like nobody has bothered, but eat shit, I did. Observation: People either do or don't notice the nuances on burgers, and order appropriately.

I can cook. People like my cooking. I can make some elaborate shit, and I use a shitload of spices because otherwise I can't taste it. People like it. I've learned that "extra" things mean nothing to me and tend to not elicit much response in the people i

cook for. Sometimes I make grilled cheese on a lazy day and I put extra cheese on it and when I eat it I think "this isn't better. this is worse. i just wanted two sandwiches, not one with double the cheese".

have i made myself clear yet? cook for you. cook for your audience. don't cook for some fuckin instagram account. some fuckin "me and my husband just love venice" cook for your fuckign self. make recipes, absoultely nail them, and hate them. please. do it for me.

make something perfectly and accept that you hate it. remember the lyrics of the recipe like a telltale character. let yourself be prejudiced against them. "bell pepper? i don't like those." be okay with not liking an ingredient. still try it in new forms.

steam broccoli. please. please steam broccoli. please steam everything. try frying it too. you might only like it one way

more than anything i'm jsut.... begging you, please, please, do not cook spaghetti and meatballs according to some Gold Standard. i'm pleading. try the recipe, and if you hate it, *accept that you hate it.* don't tell yourself it'll come out in the wash.

cheese is delicious. use it if you *like it*. don't pour it into a recipe because you've been *told* you will like it and then force yourself to smile and say it's good please, please, do thisd for me

tomato sauce. diced tomato. beans. green onion. white onion. i don't care. whatever ingredient, just do what you *want*. that means following a recipe and deciding "yep, this sucked" afterwards

you know what's good, to me? absoluet shitloads of "taco seasoning". pour that shit on. cumin me until i fucking die. ruin me. let me be destroyed.

I think I need everything I eat to be drowned in seasoning. I think culture shames people who want that. There are articles about this, how plain-ass unseasoned chicken became a status symbol

but the truth, for this particular thing, may god have mercy on my soul, is in the middle, except not. the reality is that people are different and some people can taste *boiled chicken*, some people can actually enjoy that, and I can't, and looking down on them is fucking wrong

some people can also detect parmesan, romano, oregeno, a hint of cumin and a dash of rosemary in a stockpot-sized batch of stew and dumplings, and i can't

and my god can we just all start noticing that we're different, please

because all the Fancy Recipes are written with the intent of shaming people who like basic boiled chicken, or who like their burgers with a dash of salt and pepper and nothing else, or who like their burgers with a quarter cup of salt

and we just cannot accept that people are different, we can't Do It

i love you, and if you hate my cooking and want me to make you a beef patty with no seasoning and no cheese you should ask for it

idk just

taste is personal

mine is basic. yours might be more intense. please treat yourself, and figure out what your guests like, and accept that sometimes the meal you make is disappointing and face it head on instead of arguing and denying it

think about why it's disappointing. address it. don't let yourself be drawn in by narratives. apple jacks we eat what we like

today's questionable content contains content about fetishes and i'm excited to see how it plays out. i think jeph might go in a Direction that i approve of for a strip or two before returning to Marijuana Debauchery

I have made grilled cheese with bacon in it probably ten times and at no time was I able to detect the bacon through the intense salt of the cheese and bread coating. other people probably can