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David Hines @hradzka
, 11 tweets, 2 min read Read on Twitter
yo Amazon we need to talk

you know I like insane subculture novels
you know I like clunky infodumping novels
you know I like books about weightlifting

how did you not tell me Brooks Kubik wrote clunky infodumping fanfic novels about '30s & '40s lifters
amazon.com/Legacy-Iron-Br…
for those who do not know Brooks Kubik, he is a former attorney and longtime serious lifter who is *obsessed* with old-school muscle training

author of such books as DINOSAUR TRAINING and KNIFE, FORK, MUSCLE

and apparently now novels about weightlifters
I am reading Brooks Kubik's first novel, LEGACY OF IRON

as a novel, it is TERRIBLE

as an infodump wallow, it is FANTASTIC
LEGACY OF IRON consists of basically three things:

1) old-school weightlifters' workout routines
2) old-school weightlifters' competitions
3) old-school weightlifters reciting accounts of these to each other
EDITOR. "And that is why you should only use one cup -- one! cup! -- of the historical research you did when making your historical novel"
BROOKS KUBIK. *nods thoughtfully*
BROOKS KUBIK. *backs up a railroad car filled to brim with historical research, yanks the door wide open*
here's one thing LEGACY OF IRON made me realize, though: you know what genre of fiction, long totally extinct, merits a revival?

sports fiction
back in the days of the pulps, there were pulps for all genres, and one of the biggest was sports stories -- fictional stories about prizefights or races or what have you

Robert E. Howard wrote some *brilliantly* fun boxing stories
closest thing I've read in years to sports fiction was a mystery novel my mom bought, the title and author of which escape me and googling fails, but it was a mystery where the protagonist was a football player

and the author was a former professional football player
the mystery in that book was stupid and incompetent and uninteresting

the sequences where the protagonist was playing football or practicing football were involving and garking brilliant

I kept thinking, "why couldn't this just be a novel about sports? it would be terrific!"
obvious answer:

there is a book industry community around literary novels
there is a book industry community around romance novels
there is a book industry community around science fiction novels
there is a book industry community around mystery novels

...a sports novel? what?
If some author wrote a popular sports novel targeting the mainstream audience, nobody would know how to sell it, which reviewers to push it to, or even where to put it in the bookstore.
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More from @hradzka see all

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2016 and 2017. *stumble blearily downstairs and into the kitchen*
2016. "Whoa."
2017. "What the fuck?"
KITCHEN. *is organized and stocked with appliances*
2019, full den-mother mode. "Morning, boys! Coffee's ready. You slept in. Like, a day. Brunch in a bit!"
2017. "I love her."
2016. "Jesus Christ."
2017, staring reverently at mug. "Dude, this is amazing; her coffee is AMAZING"
2019. "While I'm taking care of this, could you guys give me a hand?"
2016. "uh"
2017. "YEAH!"
2019. "We just need a place to spread out and eat, and..." *indicates squalor*
2016. "You, uh. Want us to --"
2019. "Nothing much. Just -- '16, you slaughtered *so many* celebrities; you're so organized! And '17, you have such --" *pointedly overlooks 2017 doing a bump of cocaine* "-- such *energy.* I bet you two could sort those rooms right out."
Read 5 tweets
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I am now watching The Rock in SKYSCRAPER because after being sick as a dog for two days this is the limit of my intellectual capacity
I love how "blatantly obvious Asian cofinancing" is basically a genre now
The Rock's kids are going to a panda feeding

do pandas die horribly in this movie because if so I love it already
Read 18 tweets
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2018. *glares ferociously over duct tape gag and yards and yards and yards of rope fastening him securely to the couch*
2016. *sags*
2017. "We got him. We really got him. He is not gonna get away. I mean. Again."
2016. "That's it for you, '18. You're done."
DOOR. *knocks*
2016. *gulps*
2017. *gulps*
2016. "Get the door, will you?"
2017. "Nuh-uh. YOU get it."
DOOR. *knocks again*
2017. "Do we have to answer it? You know the rules, do we HAVE--"
2016. "Yes."
2017. *takes deep breath, holds out hand* "Together."
2016. *takes hand* "Together."
2016 and 2017. *approach door, awkwardly holding hands*
DOOR. *is clumsily nailed back together from 2018's explosive entrance*
2016 and 2017. *take deep breaths and open the door*
Read 6 tweets

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Yo Amazon, I placed an Amazon Prime order on 10/31 for delivery on 11/2 and now it just says the following when I try to track it.

We're not talking frivolous items here - I ordered espresso pods and cat food. I need my coffee. My cats need their food.
Send me my items, @AmazonHelp @amazonprimenow, or I shall taunt you a second time.
When I try to track the order, this is what I see. (I erased my shipping address.)
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Tell me exactly what you are going to do about the Muslim Ban, Kevin.

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Yo, @VincentHarris, ICYMI. Need to know more about the Facebook dark ads when you get a chance, okay?

Get back to me. Thanks.
Are you involved with this currently, @VincentHarris? How are you paid?

⬇️⬇️"Now, through the terrifying wonders of social media, President Trump is doing much the same thing with his targeted digital ads—only on a much larger scale."
wired.com/story/trump-da…
"Facebook and Twitter were the reason we won this thing," said Trump's digital director Brad Parscale.

Hey, @parscale, were you in contact with @VincentHarris during the 2016 campaign? Did he create the content for your Facebook dark ads?

Let me know!
wired.com/2016/11/facebo…
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