I've been compiling a set of mental models, approaches, schema, hacks, whatever you call them, as I figure out how the world works. So much of the anguish and torment of my youth was unnecessary and self-inflicted. Changing how I thought about the world let me get to happy.
I'd like to share them with y'all and see if they ring true for you. I'm keen to learn what needs explaining vs what is self-evident, what I've missed, any stories of how they worked for you, etc.
1: You can't change the past.
2. Burnout
Thanks to everyone who shared their story, in DMs and in public. I have to sleep (um, I mean self-care by maintaining boundaries with the Internet) but I'll be back and will recap tomorrow. Some interesting points came up in the depths of the thread that I want to surface ...
Here's a summary of where we got to in the burnout chat. You don't notice it happening until one day you're in tears, or someone points out that you have withdrawn from all your social engagements, or you catch yourself thinking deathy thoughts.
Passion was cited as a major contributing factor: you burn yourself out when something distracts you from looking after yourself, for example "I'm doing such worthy work!" and "my team need me!".
There's something about being part of an ops team who are on-call, being the go-to person for everything, never being able to properly finish something before the next crisis arises ... several people had bad on-call/ops experiences that contributed to their burnout.
Being burned-out feels grey, like you have nothing to give work which has turned into a mousewheel that you have to get back on each day. The bedcovers feel heavy and hard to escape. Some got emotional, bursting into tears. Some lost sleep. Some had dark thoughts & withdrew.
There's a test you can take for how burned out you are. mindtools.com/pages/article/…
The person who shared this test reported starting a new job and scoring way less on the test after just a week.
The person who shared this test reported starting a new job and scoring way less on the test after just a week.
So you're burned-out, what to do? Take the pressure off, give yourself permission to take that time you need, get help, do some healing things when you're ready (various people report using music, art, and sport to push work worry from their mind).
Taking pressure off can be hard because (a) your thinking is impaired from the burn-out so everything seems hard, and (b) you may not be able to fully stop work. Several people stopped totally, but others changed jobs or involved their boss in finding a way to create slack.
Slack: not having people depend on you in the same way they currently do. Changes like: fewer tasks, less "important" tasks, swapping managerial duties for individual contributor duties, etc. One person took a "junior" position because it let them go home at 5 with a clear head.
If you're thinking "but I can't ... because ..." then you probably need to see a counsellor or therapist or psych or similar to start work on freeing your head so you can help yourself. You are riding your life, not vice-versa. But you may need a leg up to get in the saddle.
Journaling was useful to me & another. Not a diary, but filling a page as fast as I could with my thoughts, as fast as I had them. Not judging, not censoring. All the self-pity and woe flooded out.
Then when I came back to look at them, the thoughts had lost their power.
Then when I came back to look at them, the thoughts had lost their power.
It takes time to get better. People mentioned from six months to three years, but quality of life gets better. Most people mentioned a changed definition of "success": no longer defined by work, but having hobbies and social life and spending time with family.
Thanks to all the good folks who shared their stories, publicly or in DMs. You're doing the highest-leverage work when you work to take care of yourself. Stay awesome. 💖
Wrap-up thread ends.
Wrap-up thread ends.
