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1/ #MentalHealth #Suicide #ParentPerspective #TeenSuicidality Just hung up phone with a family member of a teen girl who is suicidal. It’s a parent’s worst nightmare & it evokes pure terror. No one talks about it and parents often have no literal idea what to do.
2/ This thread is simply parent to parent support I wish I’d had. I share with full permission of my kids who share the belief that we want to comfort others with the comfort God gave us. (2 Cor)
3/ First, parent, you will feel terrified. The most important thing is to project love & nurture like never before. UBER NURTURE. And, be CALM & CONFIDENT with your child. “Sweetheart, we’re going to get you the help you need & we’ll be right there with you all the way.”
4/ Get professional help ASAP. Professional help is not the Pastor. If your child has a suicide plan, keep them in line of sight and get to an ER to start the process of a behavioral health assessment, evaluation. Look up behavioral health crisis lines, walk in centers in city
5/If your child’s state warrants it, he or she might be put on an involuntary hold for their safety. It will feel like the world is coming to an end. It isn’t, I promise, but it feels that way. Stay nurturing, confident for your child. Explain they are getting medical care just..
6/like if their appendix had burst. It’s no different. And all good parents will go to the ends of the earth to get their child what they need to get better.Assure them they’ll be back home just as soon as they are healthy & ready. Assure them you’ll talk on the phone/visit often
7/Tell then how proud you are of them for voicing their feelings; how brave they are for receiving help; how while they can’t know this now, you know they’ll not always feel this way. Tell them it’s ok if they don’t have hope, they can borrow yours.
8/ once you know they are safe in a professional setting, go ahead and FALL APART away from their view. Weep, wail, scream, rock yourself in a ball... you just safely navigated your child through a dangerous hell. Sleep. Take off work. Use family leave to set your mind at rest
9/that you won’t lose your job. You can take family leave intermittently. If you find yourself barely able to function, abide noise or light, that’s normal. LET IT OUT or you’ll get very sick. Find people who will just Listen, not offer ignorant suggestions or try to fix
10/you’ll not have the capacity for those people. Draw healthy boundaries to protect yourself and your child. You don’t have capacity to take care of your friends/family who are freaking out. Find people (NAMI) who’ve experienced it IF you have bandwidth for that, otherwise,
11/ don’t sweat it, one step at a time. Gently. Do not go down the dark hole of blame & shame. Be kind & gentle to yourself and spouse. You got this, it will get better.
12/ please please please don’t be either reflexively anti-medicine or anti/therapy. Christians, I implore you, that posture is not what God asks of you. And unless you’d act that way about kidney failure or asthma, don’t do it for this. There’s always spiritual component, embrace
13/the spiritual but not to the exclusion of the other components. And please please please don’t put the burden and yoke on your suffering child that they should simply pray harder and trust God. It doesn’t work that way. You are harming them if you do that. If you’ve done it .
14/ already, just gently and with great love tell them you were wrong to do it and that God loves them & will never leave them in their pain. Remind that God is near to the brokenhearted and that he and you never leave them. Never not ever no matter what.
15/ cooperate with the professionals even if they seem rude and clueless. Sometimes they will. Many are great. They have hard jobs. But continue to be your child’s advocate. Do not be secretive and closed. Be open books and be willing to hear counsel they want to give you.
16/ be aware that dealing with insurance companies can be a full-time job and your second worst nightmare. Be tenacious and always emphasize when your child’s life and safety have been at risk. It’s harder for them to deny claims in the face of safety issues. Work with provider’s
17/ utilization review departments to keep the pressure on the insurance companies to pay. File appeals if you need to and be a very squeaky wheel.
18/ once your child has stabilized make sure to access the step down care that he or she will need. Do not minimize and try to sweep everything under the rug. Be open and honest and emphasize how smart and brave it is to continue to get to help your child needs.
19/ do not be surprised when the crisis fades if you fall apart physically emotionally or relationally. Nothing could be more typical. Be kind and gentle with yourself get help for yourself. You can’t give your kids what you don’t have so ...
Keep taking care of yourself so you can take care of them. And be proud of yourself, you’ve just navigated one of life‘s toughest situations. And if you have no one to talk to DM me.
