Thread by @zenasharman

My partner is nonbinary. A year ago today they went into labour. This thread is about 3 things our midwife did to give my partner & our queer family LGBTQ+ competent, patient-centred care. These relatively simple actions were profoundly important in helping us feel seen & safe.🏳️‍🌈

It’s a fan letter to our midwife, but it’s also a reminder that these actions are accessible to all health care providers. We were very lucky to have a midwife who is nonbinary, so their baseline of cultural competence is high. BUT! You don’t have to be LGBTQ+ to do this well.

1) Instead of making assumptions about language (pronouns, words for body parts, etc.) or family structure, our midwife asked open-ended questions. They listened to my partner’s answers and consistently used the right language. This helped build trust.

2) Our midwife asked for consent before touching or examining my partner. If my partner said no or not right now, our midwife respected that choice. If they needed to do something clinically necessary, they found a way to do that in collaboration with my partner’s wants & needs.

3) Our midwife acted as our advocate (and a good kind of gatekeeper) with other health care providers. Before any other provider entered the birthing room, our midwife educated them about my partner and our family. That meant we could focus on the main event: our baby’s birth!

I've been an LGBTQ+ health advocate for many years. The care I saw & experienced during my partner's labour was some of the most consent-based, patient-centred, affirming, LGBTQ+ competent care I've ever seen. It was a model for the health care I want all LGBTQ+ folks to receive.

I'm grateful to our midwife (and to @bcmidwives in general!) for modeling this kind of LGBTQ+ competent care. It made our queer family's experience of bringing our baby into the world one where we could focus on celebrating the joy & magic of welcoming our newest family member.

Thank you to everyone who’s been engaging with and sharing this thread - I’m glad to know that so many folks care so much about LGBTQ+ health care! It helps keep our communities alive and thriving, which is vital in the face of the many health disparities faced by LGBTQ+ folks.🏳️‍🌈

In the interest in supporting other LGBTQ+ folks to access health care, I want to share three great resources from genderqueer RN @kellidunham: 1) a list of strategy words for medical self-advocacy: kellidunham.com/notes-from-phi…

2) also from @kellidunham: a trauma-informed zine for LGBTQ+ folks on strategies for accessing health care: kellidunham.com/wp-content/upl…

3) for folks with cervixes, @kellidunham also has a zine on pap exams: kellidunham.com/wp-content/upl…

For health care providers looking to grow their skills and knowledge, I’m a big fan of the TransForming Rounds podcast, a new research informed podcast for providers: player.fm/series/transfo…

Here are a couple of links to recent articles on queer and trans-competent midwifery and doula care: 1) rewire.news/article/2018/0…

2) jezebel.com/how-can-midwiv…

Folks might also want to check out The Remedy: Queer and Trans Voices on Health and Health Care, a collection of real-life stories by LGBTQ+ patients and providers - including a great piece on trans-competent birthing by j wallace skelton: zenasharman.com/the-remedy

These are just a few suggestions of resources on LGBTQ+ health care for community members and providers. I welcome others to chime in with the resources and strategies that have been helpful to you! 🏳️‍🌈

Hello again, folks! Thank you for continuing to share this thread - I appreciate it very much. So much that I'm working on a blog post inspired by our family's experience. Stay tuned for the link! (I have a baby & a day job so, um, it'll be a minute.😊) 'Til then: more resources!

Today's theme is: anthologies, memoirs and podcasts about diverse families. These are great resources for LGBTQ+ community members and the health care providers who take care of us:

1) Who's Your Daddy? A Queer Parenting Anthology: whosyourdaddyanthology.blogspot.com

2) The second book on diverse families is another anthology called And Baby Makes More: Known Donors, Queer Parents and Our Unexpected Families: susanlgoldberg.com/book

3) Yup, another anthology! This one is called Spawning Generations: Rants and Reflections on Growing Up with LGBTQ+ Parents: demeterpress.org/books/spawning…

4) But wait, there's more! Next up is Swelling with Pride: Queer Conception and Adoption Stories (enby folks, check out @akkabah's essay on being a nonbinary parent!): caitlin-press.com/our-books/swel…

5) A couple of memoirs on butch pregnancy and parenting are Pregnant Butch by A.K. Summers (softskull.com/dd-product/pre…) and How to Get a Girl Pregnant by Karleen Pendleton Jiménez: people.trentu.ca/~kpendletonjim…

6) The book Revolutionary Mothering centres Black, Indigenous & People of Colour (BIPOC) voices on mothering, which it conceptualizes in a diverse & expansive way inspired by Black feminists like Audre Lorde. It includes some excellent queer content: secure.pmpress.org/index.php?l=pr…

7) I love the @longestshortest's coverage of diverse families. Check out The Accidental Gay Parents series (trans pregnancy and parenting): longestshortesttime.com/tag/accidental…, Babymaking While Queer: longestshortesttime.com/episode-114-ba…, and Sperm Shopping by Colour: longestshortesttime.com/episode-153-sp…

7, cont'd) More from @longestshortest: Becoming a Single Dad While Trans (longestshortesttime.com/episode-170-be…) and The Polycule (longestshortesttime.com/episode-180-th…)

8) A beautiful radio documentary on a four-parent queer family by @mpearson78: cbc.ca/radio/thesunda…