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How to talk to a PhD student in their final few months of the PhD? I don’t know but I’ll thread what I like and don’t like... here we go [1/many]
1 Ask how I am doing and how I am going. Don’t ask how my thesis is coming along. If you’re not my supervisor or a colleague working on similar stuff about to give advice, I don’t want to discuss it with you.
2.Don’t ask me what I am doing next.Some people at point of handing in do not know, some are looking for meaningful jobs and some are looking for anything at all. MThese months are extremely stressful and we can figure it out after we hand in.But wait for us to tell you.Don’t ask
3. Don’t get offended when we don’t want to see you. It’s almost certainly not you, it’s me. I need to write and sometimes I just need some time to stare at the wall or have mochi balls with my hamster. I value you and our friendship but I am not good company just now.
4. If you’re a family member do not arrange an unsolicited one week visit a few months before the phd student hands in. That was not fun and family time should be fun.
5. Do ask me what my plans are next if you intend to offer me a job
6. If I say I have plans about my future and I tell you about it, don’t put those plans down. Don’t say “I think you really want X.” Unless you’re coming from a place of caring that is none of your business to comment.
7. Don’t ask us for favours. Are you sure it can’t wait? Are you sure you can’t ask someone else? Because I am conditioned to never say “no” and this is really hard but I can’t do this. Please don’t hate me. I am so sorry. But it’s not my priority.
8. Do give us advice if you have something relevant to say. Have you just handed yours in? Tell us about it - it’s the most validating thing to hear other people found the last months lonely and hard too (although I’m sorry if you did)
9. Keep asking us out even after we bail on you and cancel and say no. We aren’t bailing out because we don’t love you. We are so so very busy but the odd time we could make time for a pint or a coffee or a dinner is a lifeline.
10. Don’t ask me how many words my thesis is. Who knows, this isn’t an undergrad dissertation where i am aiming for a word count. I’ll write it first and then edit it to an acceptable word count.
11. Offer help if you can! I’ve had a few people offer to proofread chapters for me - I haven’t replied to everyone because I’ve a thousand messages to deal with and I am not there yet - but that is such an amazingly kind offer and of huge value. Thank you! I’ve also had someone
cook me a few meals and bring me lunch to work once when I forgot it too. It made a huge huge difference. Same person offered me a lunch break and a walk with his dog (the gooddest doggo - photo in replies) when I really needed a break.
13. Do not ask me if I should be writing when I am not. If I am having a long coffee break and chat with you, don’t bring it up. Trust me, at every silent moment my brain does it for you. Just now in between these tweets to I heard a faint whisper “you should be writing”
14. Don’t judge, give support, assume we are super anxious about all the things you want to know about because you’re coming from a good place but we are not ready to talk about. The day after the viva it’s all fair game.
Gooddest boi in all of Bristol 
Where is 12? There’s no 12! I can’t count!
