Thread by @gravislizard

i'm addressing a few different people here, and idk why I didn't say this sooner, but here it is: stop telling me "oh LGR did a video on that." I not only don't care, it makes me feel like dogshit.

I don't like his style, so I don't follow his channel. I have nothing against the guy personally but he doesn't interest me. But apparently he owns every single thing that has transistors in it, in all of history, fucking forever, and has sniped me on every single topic.

I literally can't post a video to my channel, or mention any device I find, ever, without at least two people telling me "oh LGR did a video on that." thanks. now i'm going to throw it away because you aren't going to watch my video on it.

that was already the case, of course, but at least let me fucking dream that this guy hasn't completely, 100% depleted the entire field of vintage electronics videos permanently.

I literally don't know why I have a channel. I don't post anything anymore because LGR already did it all, so nobody cares about anything I do.

I mean, I don't know what I expected? But it brought me some joy for a little bit, at least.

It just frosts me that dude owns fucking everything. Everything! He has everything! Every fucking device in history! He has all of it and he had it all long before I ever found out it existed.

You ever *wish* someone would milkshake duck

Every single time I go to the computer store I find something that makes me go "oh my god, this is a product?" and I punch it into google and

it just NEVER FAILS, and it kills my enthusiasm dead instantly.

I know my friends will watch my videos and that should be good enough, but it's just such a huge bummer to never find *anything* that this one person hasn't already blasted out to millions of people

every time I think I have something special and undiscovered, I don't.

i know that shouldn't matter? like, I *absolutely know* I should not be betting all my satisfaction on finding a piece of *consumer electronics* that nobody else has. that's silly. it's ridiculous. it's just that, at one point, I DID know things other people didn't.

in 2006 I could tell you stuff that very few other people knew. and now everyone knows it, and my party trick doesn't work anymore.

there was a time when I could rattle off obscure information and now everyone's dog knows that the 80186 was a weird sister of the 8088 that was never used in PCs except for a couple outliers

and that's SUCH a shitty nerd thing to feel, it REALLY is. it REALLY REALLY is. me and my cohort got really full of ourselves as kids because we knew obscure, unintuitive bullshit that other people didn't.

that didn't make us special. we just memorized shit. long lists of facts that amounted to nothing, but at one point it made us feel like king shit of turd mountain, and then wikipedia and youtube RUINED IT ALL

and, i mean, the other part of this is also kind of selfish and self-centered but in a completely different way? and that is, i really fucking hate it when people tell a joke poorly

or tell a story poorly. there's so much that's intriguing about the world, but if you get the punchline first you won't listen to the joke and all of its nuance.

i like telling stories, and i hate the idea that someone else got to you and told "my story" before I could. which is ridiculous, because it's not my story, it's an article I found in InfoWorld.

it's all just so fragile, it's pathetic to stake my self worth on this. but, damnit, I found something I felt like I was good at. I found something I felt I had a special perspective on, and I feel like the profiteering, attention-seeking chaos of the internet shouted over me

But like, that's how he feels, I'm sure. I'm positive dude likes what he does and thinks he also has a unique perspective. That's what fucking sucks about being a human. There's billions of us and the others are just as real.

If you spend your energy trying to make something unique you'll die with nothing to show but frustration, and if you spend your energy trying to FIND something unique that SOMEONE ELSE MADE you'll die with nothing to show at all.

but fuck, dude, that's what I did! that's the ring I threw my hat in! this is what I have! it's not too late to start from scratch but god i have so little energy.

i really, really wish I did not feel like the only thing that will get people to give me the attention i really desire is telling them the story of a Product they've never heard of, start to finish, but that is unfortunately my lot in life right now.

so. having waded through all that in public, irresponsibly, i want to restate that i have nothing against LGR as a person but I am begging you to never mention him to me again because I Have A Complex. thank you

also unironic thank you to everyone who has reassured me that they don't give a good god damn and i'm completely full of shit and my concern is totally invalid because i do actually believe all of you and i'm grateful. I Am Letting Off Stea'm