Thread by @TrueBS

So this is a longish thread about diversity in cycling and what I think is the responsibility that comes with being a middle-aged white guy who loves bikes. I hope you’ll read it.

I’d been aware that exchanges between @ayesuppose and @RichardFries were going on, sparked by some race-announcer commentary Ayesha heard at @SeaOtterClassic. But I hadn’t dug into it.

If you don’t have it already, you can get the background here:
aquickbrownfox.com/blog/2019/4/16…

and in this thread:

https://twitter.com/ayesuppose/status/1117487475612471296?s=21

Some disclaimers: I have known Richard casually a long time. Pretty sure he wrote for me at some point, and if I recall right I once tried to get him to move to Emmaus & work for us. He loves cycling. Loves cyclists. I like him.

I don’t know Ayesha—we’ve never met—but I’ve followed her since I heard about her, was happy to get her into our pages a few times, and think she’s awesome, brave, and cool. I like her.

There is a lot that can be point and counterpointed about the announcer’s comment. I want to focus on Richard’s response. He was wrong. Dead wrong. Here’s why.

I’m in my early 50s. I’m white. I grew up in an era, region, socio-economic class, dominant pop culture and overall network of deep institutional racism that, combined with my own ignorant-ass attitudes, makes me cringe now at shit I’ve said and done.

This is not an excuse — I’m not letting myself off the hook. I am just saying that for some people like me, bias against many things was so deeply ingrained and is so embedded in our history that we have to work to be aware of that shit.

I’ve done lots of things I’m mortified by now. Relevant to this episode, for instance, I used to use “foreign” accents when telling stories. (Luckily, perhaps, I’m such a bad performer all my different accents were the same vague non-specific voice.)

Did it seem okay then? To me and some people around me, it must have. It also must have not been okay to others. Even though it was a “different era” should I have known better? Yeah. Did I? No. So I’m trying to make up for it these days.

I’m not sure I could ever really be what is described as “woke.” I think the best I can achieve is to try to be “waking” from here on out. I’m going to make mistakes. I know this because even after I realized I need to be way better at this, I keep fucking up.

Luckily, I have people around me who call me on it. Hard. I appreciate them. Some are friends in cycling. Some are on the @BicyclingMag staff. One is my daughter. Another is my girlfriend, Natascha.

Over the summer, for instance, I was trying to give Natascha a compliment and ended up REALLY insulting her by inadvertently dismissing how hard it had been and is for her to walk through the world as a woman. She eviscerated me. I listened.

And now we can laugh about how stupid what I said was.

Just recently, at @NAHBStweets, I really blew it again, just trying to tell @t_seplavy goodbye. (I asked her if I could share this story, by the way. She was like—duh, yeah!)

I’ve known Tara since the ‘90s or early 2000s, when she was called Todd and was presenting as a dude. So we’re at NAHBS a few weeks ago, catching up, and we hug goodbye, and I say something like, “So great to see you, man.”

She’s super-cool about it and says lightly, “don’t call me me man” but in a funnier way. I forget her exact words. I feel like an idiot. But she’s cool about it. Still, it keeps digging at me.

After some days pass, I DM her. Here’s the relevant part:

Here is what I’ve too slowly and still only partially learned: Because of who I am, where I came from, etc, when I say shit or even think shit that just doesn’t fly anymore, I generally have what could feel to me like a defense. (“But I call everyone dude!”)

The absolute best thing I can do when someone tells me I’ve blown it is to shut up my own damn kneejerk defense, think it through, listen to what’s being said, and instead of arguing or debating, ask with the intention of understanding the other person’s POV.

And that is where Richard really blew it. He should have tried to understand. That’s what I hope all the white cycling dudes reading this might take away: Ask! Ask instead of arguing. Maybe ultimately you won’t completely agree, but work hard to understand before you disagree.

We’re gonna be wrong, make mistakes, but we can be wrong without it meaning we’re a bad person. Just address your fuckups with humility and openness and sincerity. Further, you don’t have to be wrong to want to make things right.

Shit changes. The changes happening in cycling now are important and—I think, anyway—necessary and inevitable. I just want to pitch in where and how I can to unfuck it, cuz god knows earlier in my life I played some part in fucking it up. Hope for the same from others.