,
17 tweets,
3 min read
Read on Twitter
1 When you go to someone with a problem, complaint, grievance, or other issue, common at work but also in life, there are basically four kinds of people you find in response. Thread >>
2 The first common type is the Problem-solver. You know the type: whether you’re looking for a practical solution or just venting, they go from 0 to Analytical in 60 seconds. They are happy to break your problem down and craft solutions.
3 Sometimes the Problem-solver is just who you need, most frequent in cases where you’re stuck at a pragmatic level. Other times the Problem-solver is annoying, because what you’re looking for isn’t a solution.
4 The Problem-solver is amazing when you need someone else to solve a problem for you, or need a nudge in the right direction. They are not focused on empowering you when they're solving your problem, though.
5 The second common type is the Empathizer. Like the Problem-solver, this has good and bad manifestations. At their best, the Empathizer makes you feel seen and less alone. They see your pain and hold it with no agenda other than kindness.
6 At their worst, the Empathizer feeds your negative feelings. They become a container for your negative feelings and amplify and multiply them. You leave feeling understood, but more hopeless and out of control. Rarely intentional on the Empathizer's part, but damaging.
7 The Empathizer is often at the quiet center of a social group, whether the group is bonded by positivity or negativity.
8 The third common type is the type who redirects you. As with the others, this has good and bad. When it works, the Redirector is able to give you perspective and tough love, pointing out another angle to your situation that you might not see.
9 When the Redirector shows up at their best, they are great at giving you a reframe that unlocks your view of a tough situation.
10 At their worst, the Redirector comes across as cold or insensitive (or mansplainy, whether or not they’re a man). When you’ve thought of the reframe already, the Redirector can be kind of irritating.
11 The fourth type is the Coach. The Coach is an active listener who doesn’t tell you what to do. Rather, they ask you the right questions so that you can figure out what YOU want to do with your feelings or situation.
12 At their best, the Coach is incredibly empowering of people around them. They don’t pretend to have the answers, they don’t provide the reframe, and they also don’t validate your perspective. They hear you, and calm you down - by setting YOU up to find the answers.
13 The Coach has a negative manifestation too, just like the others. At their worst, the Coach can feel a little like an interrogator, leading you on with questions to which you suspect they know the right answer. You feel frustrated if you can’t find it.
14 All of these types can be powerful allies when you have a problem, and they can also all stand in your way. It’s wise to get intentional about which type you seek out at which times. What you need depends on your own frame of mind in the moment.
15 If someone comes to you with a problem, know your own defaults.
For instance, I’m an analytical person. My lifetime natural modes are Problem-solver and Redirector. I’ve had to work hard to learn the others, and still have to remind myself to bring them out sometimes.
For instance, I’m an analytical person. My lifetime natural modes are Problem-solver and Redirector. I’ve had to work hard to learn the others, and still have to remind myself to bring them out sometimes.
16 It’s worth practicing with modes that are not as natural to you when you see that a situation calls for it. Being able to move between these modes gives you range as a colleague + friend that can make you an incredible 1-1 resource for the people who know you.
17 It all starts by getting clear on what your own go-to modes are and getting even clearer on what the other person needs in the moment. No substitute for awareness!
