Thread by @VisionPoet

#TrashterpieceTheater TPTEpisode6
The Deacon's Daughter
aka Grandma's Be Clutch
aka Hoe Stock

So my senior year in HS, I met this girl on a college tour for Philly are teens. She was sitting on the bus with my fxckboy ass got on. She was cute, but I was tall and conceited. I sat down next to her.
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I had on the vintage Philly fxckboy uniform, Polo shirt, Guess Jeans, some fresh timbs and smelled of Nautica cologne. I was feeling myself. I ignored cutie for the first 45 minutes.
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As we got closer to the university, I sparked convo with her and some of the other girls on the bus. Made them all laugh. All swooning and shit. I was so trash.
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So cutie and I start talking. Tells me her name is Lina. She goes to a local boarding school and she’s an all city sprinter (I had a thing for track runners back then). I probably licked my lips and threw on the 6’7 charm.
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We end up spending most of the day together. Walked the campus, ate lunch, and she fell asleep on my shoulder on the way back. We exchanged numbers and made plans to link up on weekends.
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Following weekend, we link up at her house. We order food. Watch TV. She introduces me to her mom who tells me I’m charming & well mannered, which was a compliment since she was a Deacon & I was an elite heathen.
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Mom tells me i’m welcome in her home. Says she trusts I won’t violate her trust. This becomes my Friday for the rest of Spring. Linkin with Lina. Eating. Watching TV. Having sex on her mama’s couch
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We started getting it in every Friday night before her mama got off work. And we were slick and quick with it.
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She’d have on a t-shirt and pajama shorts. I’d never take my pants all the way off. Just one leg. Always planning for the quick dressing in case she came home early.
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And that’s all we’d do. And that was the only time we had to do it. Mama kept her busy Saturdays, and she’d be in church all Sunday. So Friday night it was!
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Until this one Sunday. She beeped (yes, beeped!) me while I was at a cookout at my dad’s girlfriend’s mom’s house (yes, my Pop was a thotty)
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At first I ignored the beep. My pop had been guilt tripping me about not spending enough time with the family. “You’re going away to school soon and you’re always out of the house”
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But Lina was persistent. Kept paging me. Then paged me with the 69 code. Then paged me 911 AND 69.
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I mean, I just HAD to call her back at that point. She answers and says she’s horny and only wearing a jersey I lent her. Said he mom wasn’t gonna be home for hours.
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So I curved it at first. Then she followed with she was in the mood to lick me everywhere. Which like wasn’t a thing with black girls back then (at least in Philly). So that changed everything.
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So I go to my pop and ask if he could give me a ride to her house since it was Sunday and SEPTA runs like shit on Sundays (and other days that end with Y)
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So now he’s big mad. Puts on the crazy guilt trip. “I don’t ask you for much son. I just don’t understand why you… “ So I show him the beeper and tell him what Lina said.
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He responds, “Hold on, let me get my hat.”
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So he drives me out West Philly to her house, makes sure I have condoms, and drops me off. I know on the door. She wasn’t lying. Nothing but the Jordan jersey on. We go at it immediately.

The way her apartment was set up is, as soon as you walk in the front door, the couch is immediately to the left. Pretty much at the doorway. She pulled me in the door, then pushed me on the couch
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One nasty thing leads to another. And next thing you know she’s reverse straddling me. And she’s loud. Way louder than normal. She’s getting free. And I’m enjoying it. Head back. Eyes closed.
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Then she stops. And I open my eyes to see why. And I see her looking up and over her right shoulder. I look up to see what made her stop. And it’s her mom, the deacon, standing there.
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I have NO IDEA how we didn’t hear her mom come in. Didn’t hear the key in the lock. Didn’t hear the knob turn or the door open. The Deacon was standing over both of us, the peen still in her daughter.
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Mom drops her bags. Lina, butt naked, runs into the back room. I sat there stuck like a moron. Mom chases after Lina. Not sure what to do, I put my pants on and darted out the door.
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I’m running down 33rd St. still trying to take off the condom while keeping my pants from falling down. I run to the bus stop (dumbass). Mom pulls up in her car a few minutes later. Parks. Stares at me.
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She never got out. She just stayed in the car staring with disappointed eyes and frothing mouth. Needless to say I was a 6’7 shivering bitch.
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Bus comes. I get on. Exhale. Wipe the sweat off my brow. Lina is blowing my pager up. Aint no way I was gonna get off and call her back though
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Got off on 20th Street to transfer to the next bus. Feeling better but still bad. Then I saw her mom pull up at the corner. And waits again.
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So now i’m white girl in 80s slasher movie scared. If I had to walk anywhere I probably would’ve fell down too. Mom just started at me from across the street. My dumb ass pretending I dont see her.
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Bus comes. I get on, but I’m not relieved. Clearly she’s trying to follow me home. Had to come up with a plan. No way I could get off at my stop.
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There was no way I was gonna let her know where I live. My pop was probably still at the cookout, but my grandmom was DEFINITELY home. She was ALWAYS home
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I get off a few blocks earlier. Thought I’d try to lose her by going down some streets she couldn’t go down. Walked fast down one streets. Only to see her at the end of the next block
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I went through alleys. Doubled back. All the tricks we used running from cops when we did dumb shit. None of them worked. I had messed with a higher power. I just gave up and let her follow me home
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I go in the house. Grandmother was sitting in her chair in the living room. I gave her a kiss and walked into the dining room. There’s a knock on the door.
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She yells for me to answer the door but I pretend not to hear her as I hid behind a wall peeing around like the trash nxgga I was.
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She gets up. Walks to the door. Opens it. The Deacon is standing there. Grandmother says, “Can I help you?”
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Deacon:
Hi, I’m Lina’s mom. Your grandson and my daughter have been dating. I know this is awkward but you need to know I caught them having sex in my house when I got home from church today
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My 4’9” grandmother looked at The Deacon from head to toe like she was short. Paused. Looked her in the eyes and said, NOT MY GRANDSON!” Then slammed the door in her face!
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I raised my hands and started silently celebrating like I just hit the game winning shot in Game 7. My grandmother sat her little ass back down and turned the TV up.
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Never even questioned me. Never told my dad. Never mentioned it. EVER!
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It was the last time Lina and I saw each other. We emailed from time to time in college. Made plans to link since our schools were close but never did.
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Lina got pregnant the following year by some Alpha at her school. Apparently her mama blamed it on me because I “set her on a path of promiscuity.”
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