Thread by @VisionPoet

#TrashterpieceTheater #TPTEpisode2

Last episode I told a story about how this woman got my number by overhearing me giving it to someone else. As a result, she started stalking me (check #TPTEpisode1 if you missed it)
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I also mentioned that it wasn’t the only time that happened. It was actually the 2nd time that went down. You’d think I would’ve learned my lesson, but peak fxckboys rarely do.
#TrashterpieceTheater #TPTEpisode2

Picture it…. Early 2000s Philly. Every weekend the squad and I would go to little hood bars. The one we went to most was this spot called The Stinger. It was 3 floors of ratchetastic fun back when ya aunty used to get naked to Nelly songs.
#TrashterpieceTheater #TPTEpisode2

Bruce is one of my best friends (remember the name, he's in future stories… so is The Stinger). Bruce got cool with the bouncer & he'd let us skip the line. In the world of basic shit, skipping the line makes basic women wonder who you are.
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Every weekend we took our basic asses to this basic bar to meet basic women. We went up and down the stairs finding different spots to post up and sip drinks while wearing oversized Sean John clothes
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So I’m on one side of the 2nd floor and across the dance floor is a bad brownskin jawn*. I don’t remember what she was wearing that night but in mind she had on a jersey dress like Mya
*jawn= Philly slang. A person, place or thing.

#TrashterpieceTheater #TPTEpisode2

ok, sidenote. ONE TIME for Mya's fine ass. LORDT! She still looks amazing.
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So shorty and I basically eye fxck each other from across the room all night. No rush to talk to her because my young corny ass thought I was playing it cool
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Fast forward like 20 Nelly, G Unit and Rocafella songs and my homies wanna leave. So I approach bad brownskin jawn in the 2nd floor hallways and she’s standing next her friends. So I turn on the early 2000s lightskin nigga charm
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And by that I mean I probably licked my lips and re-adjustved my fresh Rocawear track jacket while smelling of Germantown Ave. Muslim oils (baby powder used to have the basic jawns all on me!)
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I complimented her and told her I was leaving. She took out her phone and I told her my number. Probably biting my lip and squinting between each number like only a retro fxckboy knows how. We leave and go do other hood rat shit
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Fast forward one week. It’s 3am and I’m dropping of Darnell in North. We sit in the car and talk about fxckboy fantastic misadventures. My phone rings. Number I don't recognize. I pick up. It’s brownskin baddie from The Stinger.
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She asks where I’m at and I tell her I’m down the way in North. She says she also lives in North. Asks if I wanna come over..
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Drop Darnell off, he congratulates me on not having to go home with desert dick like everyone else. I drive down to Cecil B. Moore Ave excited… Prolly licking my lips though no one was in the car. Lightskin niggas, I swear!
#TrashterpieceTheater #TPTEpisode2

Bad brown baddie lived on this little street so I couldn’t park my car on her block. Parked on Cecil B. and walked up her street. I knocked on the door. Door opens. It’s one of her friends who was standing next to her in the hallway.
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This chick actually says, “Surprise!”
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Now… This is where I should’ve turned around… But she was thick. And I was young. And she was thick. And it was late. And she was thick.
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Smooth walked in her house like…
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She was wearing next to nothing looking all thicknificent. We go in, sit on her couch. She immediately starts talking trash about the woman I gave my number to.
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Me: Aint that your friend?
Her: Fxck that bxtch! I been told her I wanted you, and she just gon flirt with you and take your fxckin number
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Do tell!
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About 10-20 mins pass of her ranting about her homie, and me fake listening while watching Clueless (that’s my shit!) She starts touching my leg. Then unzips my pants. And…
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Then
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And she’s sitting next to me again. She starts going in on her homie. “That’s what the fxck she gets!”
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More time passes of her ranting and me fake listening. Clueless credits roll. She asks, “You want something to drink?
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She goes to the kitchen. I stand up, pull up my pants, and walk out the door while she's in the other room.
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I get halfway down the street and call Darnell.
Me: Bruh, you ain’t gonna believe what just happened!”
Seconds later I hear screaming behind me, “You muthafxcka, how the fxck you gon…”
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I turn around, she’s RUNNING down the street after me!
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She’s running. and now my 6'7 ass is running down the street like Captain Jack Sparrow AND still on the phone with Darnell. He’s laughing so hard that he can’t breathe. I also can’t breathe laughing and low-key scared she might catch me.
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I get to the corner, turn, take out my keys, and she’s yelling all kinds of lightskin slander from around the corner.
“Lightskin niggas aint shit...”
“That’s why I don’t fxck with y’all yellow niggas…"
It's like 4am
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I get in the car and drive off. In the rearview, she’s in the middle of the street trying to chase the damn car. I floored it! Darnell, is still on the phone HOLLARING laughing.
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I’m driving. My phone is blowing up. I sent each call to voicemail. And this is back when people checked their voicemail. Back when you had to put the code in. I wasn’t checking that shit.
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The phone rings and rings until the sun rises. The following day I finally answer her call. She was super calm which made me more afraid.
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PSA for those who don't have black mamas or haven't dated black women: When a black woman is mad AND calm, somebody finna die. It's probably you.
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“That was real fxcked up what you did last night! But I guess we’re even. I tricked you. You tricked me…”
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It’s cool… I’ll see you around I guess.”
#TrashterpieceTheater #TPTEpisode2

I saw her a few times afterward. At The Stinger of course (clearly I didn’t think that through). But she was surprisingly cool. She smirked at me from across the room. Nodded. Lightweight flirted. Never saw her friend again though
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And brownskin baddie, the one I actually gave my number to, never called. Knowing my luck she was probably supposed to be my wife.
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The end...

I'll be posting a new #TrashterpieceTheater on Twitter daily at noon for the next 2 weeks. Then a new one every Saturday at noon. Episodes 4-16 are on my IG (@ visionpoet) archived in my highlights if you don't wanna wait. Please follow and share/retweet

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