Thread by @UrsulaV

D&D Night, at long last!
GM: It’s a door.
BUFFALO: I hit it with my head.
GM: ...
CHEETAH: Did you just rage against the door?
BUFFALO: You say that like it’s unusual.

BUFFALO: Look, maybe doors killed my parents. You don’t know.

BUFFALO: Does the door open in or out?
TOAD: It’s a wooden door. It opens any direction you want.
BUFFALO: Hot damn!

The party has discovered an Oni and several hobgoblins guarding a chest. Unfortunately for our GM, he let us talk to them before attacking.

We are now angry on behalf of the oni who has been trapped for years guarding this chest and demanding that he talk to his union rep.

He has to keep guarding the treasure chest, so we are offering to carry the chest to the union rep so he can leave.

PARTY: GM? GM are you okay?
GM; I’m just gonna look at Nyan-cat for a little bit.

The party is confronted with a portcullis!
CHEETAH: Is there a lever?
GM: Nope.
CHEETAH: Secret doors?
GM: Nope.
PARTY: Is there anything through the portcullis?
GM: Pack of ghouls.
CENTIPEDE: See, you could have led with that.