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1. Hello and welcome! It’s episode 250 of #MrMrsBetterHalf. Mr. & Mrs Better Half is designed to strengthen marriages & relationships that will lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word. 
2. If you missed the last episode, we dealt with the issue: “My wife wants to attend another church but I have roots in my home church.” If you missed it, get it here: bit.ly/2VGRBSX #MrMrsBetterHalf
3. This week’s discussion is “I can’t lie, my spouse and I are not best friends at all!” Friendship in a relationship is important, but even more so friendship in marriage. #MrMrsBetterHalf
4. Friendship is knowing the good and uncomfortable things about someone and choosing to be their friend and having their backs in spite of their shortcomings. It is about mutual support and trust. #MrMrsBetterHalf
5. Ideally, you should marry someone who is your friend, this is because, in relationships and marriage, it won’t always be lovey-dovey. Friendship is what gets you through those down times. #MrMrsBetterHalf
6. Is it possible to marry someone who isn’t your friend? Sure! This could be due to a number of things such as a whirlwind romance where you didn’t date or court for long before getting married & maybe didn’t get to know the person enough to build a friendship. #MrMrsBetterHalf
7. In some other cases, it’s due to arranged marriages where the parties involved practically didn’t know each other but got married for one reason or another. Friendship can also be stunted due to sex. #MrMrsBetterHalf
8. Sexual attraction can also blind partners from other important aspects of a relationship that require work and growth. When you get married, however, you’d realise that there are many things to deal with beyond sex. #MrMrsBetterHalf
9. So, if all there was to your relationship was sex, you might struggle a bit. You know one reason why it is good to stay sexually pure during courtship? #MrMrsBetterHalf
10. Sex distracts from friendship. When there’s no sex, you fill your time with learning about each other’s interests, families, dreams etc. #MrMrsBetterHalf
11. When sex is on the table, you are only counting down to the next time you can find yourself in bed. Couples who take the time to build friendship before marriage will not feel so lost if somehow sex loses its lustre. #MrMrsBetterHalf
12. That said, how then do you know if your spouse or intended is your friend? Ask yourself these: do you want to share what’s going on with you with them? When you see or hear a joke, are they among the first people you share it with? #MrMrsBetterHalf
13. When something good or bad happens to you, do you tell them? Do you talk about things not directly in relation to your relationship or marriage? Do you enjoy spending time with them or you can’t wait to leave whenever you go out together? #MrMrsBetterHalf
14. If you realise that you and your partner are not friends, it is not too late to build friendship. All that’s required is willingness and effort on your part. That said, here are some tips to help your friendship grow: #MrMrsBetterHalf
15. A) Accept your spouse for who s/he is; friendship comes with acceptance, care and commitment. B) Have open and honest conversations, helping him or she understand you better. #MrMrsBetterHalf
16. C) Be your real self – it’s okay to disagree. Friends don’t agree on everything all the time. D) Try new and exciting things together, this will aid bonding and closeness and give you a more common ground. #MrMrsBetterHalf
17. You must, however, remember that friendship comes with baggage. We all have our shortcomings and friends are willing to accept and help each other grow and be better. #MrMrsBetterHalf
18. Now, if you and your spouse are already best friends, dealing with each other’s shortcomings is cheap. You want to help your husband through his insecurities; you want to help your wife build her esteem. #MrMrsBetterHalf
19. The genuine affection you have for each other makes it easy to run to prop the other person up. However, there are people for whom this is not a reflex. If you’ve been married a while, you may know what I mean. #MrMrsBetterHalf
20. Familiarity has a way of making you take your spouse for granted. Especially when you realize he/she isn’t perfect. Eros doesn’t last forever. Every marriage faces the friendship test when eros loses its sense of wonder. #MrMrsBetterHalf
21. Remember what drew you and your spouse together in the first place. Most likely it was friendship. I have some friends that are my people for life. Outside my wife, they probably know me best in the world. #MrMrsBetterHalf
22. Some of them are members of my family, some are old school friends and others are colleagues in ministry. There are very few things I would not do for these people. They have a piece of my heart. #MrMrsBetterHalf
23. Now they are not perfect; they do silly things, they make terrible mistakes and they’ve even hurt me. But I have been able to bear their shortcomings because they are my true friends. They are worth it. #MrMrsBetterHalf
24. Now the bible instructs us to bear one another’s burdens. It’s an instruction; we are supposed to do it. But doing things because you have to do it can be very strenuous. It’s easier to WANT to do what you HAVE to do. #MrMrsBetterHalf
25. So, you have to bear your spouse’s burdens. But really, it’s best and more romantic to want to do what you have to do. And this is easily achieved if there is a solid friendship. #MrMrsBetterHalf
26. There are 3 things I’d like you to remember: A) Life is richer when your spouse is your best friend. B) Best friends have issues. To keep your best friend, you must be willing to help them with their issues. #MrMrsBetterHalf
27. C) Help is reciprocal. When you help them, they also help you. Because we all have baggage... even you. So how do you make your spouse your best friend? First – decide. It’s your choice. #MrMrsBetterHalf
28. People in arranged marriages may have been forced to marry, but they cannot be forced to be friends. You should build activities of mutual interest. This is different from getting interested in what your spouse is interested in. There’s a place for that. #MrMrsBetterHalf
29. It’s true that you should try to participate in your spouse’s interests but you cannot force yourself to love it. Your wife hates sports but for you, she now tolerates it, but face it; she may never love it. #MrMrsBetterHalf
30. Your husband loathes fashion. Today he lets you dress him, but he may never follow you for a fashion show. If he does, be aware that his having to sit through that fashion show is a gigantic sacrifice. #MrMrsBetterHalf
31. Since we may not successfully convert our spouses to our interests, we must find things to be mutually enthused about. Most of us have the benefit of hindsight. What did you both love to do during your courtship/early years? #MrMrsBetterHalf
32. Was it reading, seeing a movie, exercising, visiting friends, etc.? If those things no longer work, find new things. How to develop new interests? Take stock. What do you like to do? What does he/she like to do? What overlaps? #MrMrsBetterHalf
33. What are your interests? Are you both foodies? Why not make your love for exotic food an event? Every week, choose a restaurant and be food critics. You can even start a blog about your findings. #MrMrsBetterHalf
34.“But PG, none of our interests overlap”. Friend, no excuses! Make your interests overlap! Your husband likes tennis while you like swimming? Join the same club! Do your thing then have lunch together. #MrMrsBetterHalf
35. You have different tastes in movies? Take turns - this week: action flick, next week: chick flick, then sci-fi, etc. Your spouse loves air travel while you love road trips? Get adventurous and travel by sea. Get creative. #MrMrsBetterHalf
36. Try out new things - some will flop, some will work. But you first have to leave your comfort zone and try! Remember: when your spouse is your pal, your heart will naturally gravitate towards spending time together. #MrMrsBetterHalf
37. Building friendship through activities of mutual interest is an excellent step to take on the journey to becoming best friends. #MrMrsBetterHalf
38. I hope this has been helpful to you. I will be back next week with another topic. Until then, thanks for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf
