Thread by @gracikim

Some years ago, my eyes went blurry while at work. I figured I needed new contacts, so I casually rocked into an optometrist the following week. The next thing I knew, the doc was telling me I needed emergency surgery within the next 24-72 hrs or else I'd go BLIND (a thread)

I'd just moved to Beijing alone for work, and this was a LOT. But it's funny when news hits you out of the blue like that. You think it'd get all muddly really fast. Instead, I felt strangely calm. I let my work know, booked surgery, and my parents jumped on the plane from NZ.

Lying in bed that night, I felt scared but also so lucky. Lucky to have walked into an eye doctor just in time, lucky to have parents who'd jump on a plane at a minute's notice, lucky to have an employer who supported me. So, feeling grateful and hopeful about the surgery,

I wrote a note on my bedroom mirror before falling asleep: "You can take my eyes, but you can't take my smile."

The next day on Friday the 13th (not even joking) I got wheeled into the operating theatre. Apart from having all my eyelashes chopped off (as if I had any to lose!)

and the small issue of my anesthesia wearing off halfway through surgery (thus traumatising me for life), the surgery went well. But that night after surgery was pretty hellish. My eyes were covered with bandages and I felt like someone had gorged my eye right out of the socket.

My amazing colleagues all took shifts staying with me, including all through the night on the uncomfortable hospital bed, putting up with my blood-stained tears, pathetic whimpering, and attractive dry hurling into a plastic bucket. They really were incredible ❤️

But the following days in hospital were a life changing experience. I mastered the fine art of going to the bathroom relatively quickly, but by golly, I underestimated the difficulty of finding your mouth with your chopsticks, esp when you’re using them to eat rice porridge...

Or the difficulty of walking when all you have to rely on are the sounds around you and a vague memory of where objects had been. I discovered that the world is a very different place when you are blind & that in a dark world, there is rather a lot of time to ponder & contemplate

I started to notice how much of our everyday language is intrinsically linked with our ability to see.

“Let’s SEE what we can do.”
“I’ll LOOK forward to it.”
“SEE you later.”
“We value his INSIGHT”.

I started to notice that in our visual world, the ability to see is inextricably linked with our ability to reason (“SEEING is believing”), our ability to dream (“we have a VISION for the future”), and even with our ability to love (“I fell in love with him at first SIGHT”).

It made me wonder: Did living in darkness doom one to live a life without reason, without dreams, and without love? And what about eyes being the supposed window to the soul? If you can’t see, does that mean your soul is closed for business?

Then I started to notice little things. Like how the same kitsch Chinese music would play at dusk outside my hospital window, and how every day my ears would hone a bit more into the chattering voices of the women excitedly milling around to join the open-air street aerobics.

Or how flavours hit my tastebuds, exploding and awakening new sensations that made me giggle with excitement. Xinjiang spiced lamb pizza? Chilled Perrier with a hint of lime? A juicy whole mango over a bucket so as to not drool juices onto my chic hospital scrubs? Oh yes please!

In the mornings, despite not being able to see the light, I started to notice how deliciously decadent the morning sun felt, as the first rays streamed through my hospital window and kissed my skin. And despite not being able to see their faces, all it took was a whiff of

my mum’s perfume, the warmth of my daddy’s bear hug, and the relieved smile I heard in their voices to understand there was life inside my darkness. I won’t even go into the beaming pride I felt when I successfully undertook my first unassisted shower 😂

I was eventually discharged but spent the next few months completely blind while in recovery. I was unable to read, watch TV, no social media (shock horror!) and for half a year, I wasn't even allowed to do any exercise, be stressed, or lift heavy things.

Luckily, I recovered well. Today, I am only half-blind in 1 eye. I'm told my good eye could deteriorate at any time too ("it could happen tomorrow or when you're 70" they say). But instead of focusing on the "what ifs", I focus on the amazing lessons I learnt through this process

(1) To see is a privilege:

I certainly hope you don’t have to go through an experience like mine, but the next time you notice the raised yellow bumps on the pavement, or when you hear the beeping signals at a crossing, take a moment to be grateful for your gift of sight.

There are 285million people in the world that are visually impaired & 39million that are blind. That’s like the whole of the US being visually impaired & the whole of Argentina being blind. Our ability to see the world around us is a privilege & not something to take for granted

(2) Our health is paramount:

Our bodies are not machines and we only get one of them per lifetime. We don’t seem to come with a warranty or money-back guarantee unfortunately. So take it easy and be kind to it. Our health is worth our time and investment.

(3) We are nothing without each other:

No matter how strong we think we are, there will always be a time when we need to rely on others, and we in turn should be there for those that need us too. As Helen Keller said, “Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.”

(4) We are surrounded by beauty:

Just stop whatever you’re doing right now (well, read until the end of this sentence first) and take a good look around you. What do you see?

I didn’t realise it before but now I can’t help notice how happy a sunflower looks. Or how adorable my friend's toddler is when she escapes from bathtime in her birthday suit, her eyes wild. Or how beautiful my dad's crows feet are, creasing into familiar form each time he smiles

So why not take a few minutes out of your day, take a good look around, and see how many beautiful sights take your breath away. In fact, why not take the time today to look at your partner, your mother, your child, your sister – and tell them just how beautiful they are to you.

The world is truly a beautiful place, and through my experience of darkness, I have discovered so much light ❤️