Thread by @InfectiousBeth

OK. It's happening, and I can finally talk openly about it (a thread).

I have decided to transfer from my #PhD into a #Masters degree. I'm currently writing my thesis - I'm due to submit in October.

And I want to talk about it, because we don't talk about this enough.

This isn't a decision I've made lightly, or impulsively. It's due to a plethora of factors, including personal, project and professional reasons. It's something I've been thinking about for a long time, and something I should have thought more about before I even started my PhD.

I like studying. I like learning. I loved university, honours was challenging, but a PhD was the next logical step. I took a little time off (not enough)-but getting a scholarship early pretty much confirmed I'm be moving on to the next part of my academic life.

I had a project lined up. I worked at my RA job, then gallivanted around Europe for a few months. Traveling gave me my first glimmer of doubt, but doesn't it do that for everyone? I came home and started my PhD two days after landing.

My project changed almost immediately (we got scooped). Regardless of the project, I spent a bit of time adjusting, but also feeling very lost. My background was very multi-disciplinary - but also 'jack of all trades, good at none' in my mind.

I was learning a lot of new techniques in the lab. Some I enjoyed, some not so much. I had (have!) some great mentors - also some not-so-great teachers. I had a lot of #impostersyndrome, but pushed through.

I had my first real 'what if this isn't for me' moment 3 months before confirmation, when I had to make a scientific poster, and it made me realise how little data I had. I know this is a classic story, but it ruined my motivation.

I picked up, got confirmed, and it wasn't until 6 months later (after some frustrating times in the lab) that the doubt crept back in. I got a bit of a mental block with lab work, and spent a lot of time throwing myself into other 'work' things I enjoy, like outreach and #scicomm

This cycle continued a few times. There's lots of other things that were going on that I haven't mentioned here but to summarise - I wasn't happy at work, wasn't enjoying lab work at all, and as a result was struggling to be productive.

A close friend of mine had recently decided to transfer from her PhD to an MPhil - a decision I completely supported for her situation. The day she told me she was doing it, I cried - because I realised it was okay to be feeling like I was. IT WAS OK TO LEAVE.

Originally I didn't think that decision was for me. My academic brain kept nagging at me "you want the PhD". But I started questioning myself - "Did I NEED the PhD?"

I always have known that I didn't want to be an #academic. I spent a lot of time researching 'alternate' post-PhD careers (another thing we don't discuss enough!). Also a lot of time researching random things I'd always been interested in, but never tried.

About a month ago, after much deliberation, I firmly decided that doing a #PhD wasn't for me. No decision has ever made me feel better than saying that out loud did.

I have absolutely no idea what I'll do when I finish in a few months, but as my partner keeps pointing out - that's incredibly exciting. This is the first time in my life (bar a stressful few months at the end of Honours) that I haven't known my next step. And it's terrifying.

I have some vague ideas of things I'd like to try, jobs I might be good at, and topics I'd like to study - I will be sharing some of these here in the future (bc what are networks for, right!). I'm also trying to speak to as many people as I can - and I'm learning so much!

I also spoke to a lot of people when making this decision - I'd like to shout out to all my #PhD #academic friends and colleagues, my 'normal life' friends, my partner, lab members, mentors and random people online who I turned to for advice. I appreciate you all 🤗

Other resources that really helped me in making this decision:

This article @DrShaneRRR came out at a pivotal time in my journey (medium.com/@DrShaneRRR/wh…)

From @ScienceCareers (sciencemag.org/careers/2019/0…)

And recently from @NatureCareers (nature.com/articles/d4158…)

@DrShaneRRR @ScienceCareers @NatureCareers Also - I'm not saying "QUIT YOUR PHD!".

Not at all.

A PhD journey is difficult, but incredibly rewarding. It just isn't for me.

#phdchat