,
11 tweets,
2 min read
Read on Twitter
I love my job at Amazon. At first I thought that wearing a catheter to work to avoid bathroom breaks was unreasonable, but after several sessions of deep hypnosis with the company therapist I’ve come to realize that the catheter is just a part of my body—a body of the future.
One day I thought to myself, “Is it normal to lose several coworkers every day because the AI program that monitors shipments has begun to demand human flesh as tribute?” Then I remembered: those people have gone to join the Amazon warehouse in the sky, shipping God’s used books.
And boy did we all have a laugh when an entire shift of workers was mistakenly packaged up and shipped to Easter Island. You couldn’t ask for a more perfect place to spend the final shift break that never ends.
LOL I was just whipped for tweeting on the job. Back to work I go!
[This is Joe’s shift supervisor. He was just mauled by Mr. Bezos’ pet tiger—who was provoked—but his family will receive just compensation in the form of Amazon warehouse jobs.]
Bezos is gonna have me killed now isn’t he.
Jeff: I will delete this thread for a mere $50,000,000.
(Just to be clear that’s per tweet.)
Damn this blew up, check out my dog. He’s also a Marxist-Leninist. 
(He’s been doing some light revisionism lately but I found him a trainer, it’s fine.)
Okay seriously though can someone explain why people keep commenting “There is no war in Ba-Sing-Se” in a way that doesn’t make me start drinking again?
