Thread by @eketiette

I didn't know the the phrase "A friend in need" had a reverse meaning, until I met someone. We'll call her Martha. A friend in need is supposed to be someone who's there for you whenever you're at a low point in your life or going through tough times.

Well, Martha was this kind of friend, but not in the way you think. You see, whenever I went through some bad times, Martha was there.

"Eketi how are you holding up?"

"Eketi don't worry, God's in control. He'll see you through."

"Babe, stop worrying. I'm always here for you."

I was happy to have such a friend and even boasted to others about it. However, after a while, I began to notice a disturbing pattern. Doubtful, I put my suspicions to the test and to my sadness, my suspicions passed the tests with flying colours.

Martha was truly my friend IN NEED. What I mean is, she was always there whenever I had troubles.

But when I came out of them and was on my way to progress, she did a sharp turnaround and became a voice of doubt and discouragement.

"It's good you just got a job. But I don't think you should be working there; you deserve better. Don't take up the appointment."

"Eketi, you write o, but your work is mediocre. People on Facebook are hailing you, but I don't think you should take this writing thing seriously."

"You've finally gotten into law school? Oh. Finally. It's OK sha. Congrats"
(This is something I'd fought and prayed for, for three years).

If I bought something, she'd call it cheap. Then she'd "borrow" it and find a way to never return it, spoil it or lose it.

It went on and on. Martha was only happy when I was down. That way, she could lord it over me, constantly compare herself and her successes against my failures and assure herself that she was doing better.

I did the only wise thing; I cut her off. No apologies, no warning.

Make no mistake, I missed her a lot in the early days and she fought hard to hang on. Once in a while, I was tempted to let her back in, but those denigrating and discouraging words always convinced me that I deserved better.

Someone reading this may be in the same situation. Know this: it's okay to give such friends the boot. They shouldn't be in your life; if you let them stay, their negativity will make you an underachiever, with massive low self-esteem and self-doubt.

Do you really want that?

That experience taught me to choose my friends intentionally and prayerfully.

Today, I can't imagine life without these wonderful women and men who make up my inner circle. To a large extent, I am because they are.

Cheers to amazing friends! May we find them, may we be them.