Thread by @amiasmatics

"Hello yes oh there are 35 people on this call which was scheduled on short notice and we're all waiting for <person> who is still not here."

"I'm afraid we all have to wait for <person> who may or may not call in eventually."

*several pings of people leaving*

*person calls in and is very hard to understand because person is, once more, in a car*

"Let me start by reiterating what we already know without actually addressing the questions you all had and which I will not answer at all during this call."

"I want to make this an interactive session, however, we are short on time and I will only have time for a massive monologue. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

I'm cold. So... cold...

*cough*

*coughcough*

Someone asked for facts. Input. Hard facts. Oh, sweet summer child!

"Wait, shouldn't we know what the partner's actually good at before we propose a project?

The sound of a single gunshot breaks the stunned silence. Somewhere, a project manager has been taken outside, his body fed to the wolves.

The sun descends below the horizon. Soon, the undead will swarm the streets, and I'll be late for supper because the damn B470 will be clogged as hell.

My ears bleed, the corporate babble scrambling my brain. Is this home? This desk? Have I ever been anywhere else? Something tugs at my soul, faintly, a memory of cats clamoring for food. But there are no cats here, and it's dark and cold and so, so lonely. Only the voices.

We've run out of coffee hours ago.

There's no hope.

I scratch my name into the rotting surface of my desk. Those who come after me, remember that I sat here and listened! I suffer this so you don't have to.

A plaintive voice rises above the others: "Speak! Do we have a master research agreement?"

Alas, we do not. We all know that. Why must you ask, you fool, don't you know this dooms you!

The meeting is paused - the lawyers' hounds tear the poor wretch limb from limb, and we can't hear a thing over their baying.

The person's sermon continues, the voice hissing with static and the roar of a distant engine. It's all we hear now. Maybe there are words in all of this, maybe there's sense even, but I doubt it. A last ray of sun hits my desk, lights it up in amber.

I won't get that gingerbread after all.

"This is a learning experience for all of us," the Voice hisses, "we must optimize our pathways and workflows and identify KPIs and engage on pressing topics!"

"These things are obvious," the noxious clouds spell as if moved by a strong wind, "just not obvious to you." The trees in the courtyard wither and die. "BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS ASK ME," booms the thunder after cackling electricity splits the sky.

I have now spent a lifetime in this call, yet I cannot die. There will be another call next week. And one the week after that. And after that. My headset is fused to my head, matted hair half covers it. Remember me, I once was human.