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ADVENTURERS: We're here for your treasure!
DRAGON: Righto.
ADVENTURERS: Um... Where is it.
DRAGON:
ADVENTURERS:
DRAGON: The treasure is the friends you made along the way.
ADVENTURERS:
DRAGON:
ADVENTURERS: Seriously?
DRAGON: Yup.
ADVENTURERS:
DRAGON:
ADVENTURERS: Fucksake
ADVENTURERS: We're here for your treasure!
DRAGON: Are you registered with my accounts department?
ADVENTURERS: What?
DRAGON: I can't pay you unless you are
ADVENTURERS: Why didn't you tell us that 3 months ago when we started this quest?!
DRAGON: Your agency should have told you
ADVENTURERS: We're here for your treasure!
DRAGONS: Congrats! Here you go.
ADVENTURERS: What... what is this?
DRAGON: DragCoin. It's my new crypto. Gonna be worth millions, bro
ADVENTURERS: Have you published the blockchain?
DRAGON: HAHAHA listen to little Bill Gates here!
ADVENTURERS: We're here for your treasure!
DRAGON: Righto. Here
ADVENTURERS: Um... Esso Tiger tokens?
DRAGON: MILLIONS of them
ADVENTURERS: When was the last time you left this cave?
DRAGON: It's been a while
ADVENTURERS:
DRAGON: Don't spend it all on Gareth Southgate bobbleheads
ADVENTURERS: We're here for your treasure!
DRAGONS: Congrats. Here.
ADVENTURERS: Um... this isn't as much as we...
DRAGONS: You also get equity.
ADVENTURERS: Equity?
DRAGONS: Equity
ADVENTURERS: We're here for your treasure!
DRAGON: Here
ADVENTURERS: This is way less than we were told
DRAGON: Yeah but think about how many people saw you fight your in way here
ADVENTURERS: So?
DRAGON: The EXPOSURE dude
ADVENTURERS:
DRAGON: Frankly you guys should be paying me
ADVENTURERS: We're here for your treasure!
DRAGON: Here
ADVENTURERS: This is... a login for an anime art twitter account
DRAGON: 512k followers dude
ADVENTURERS: It's not even your art. You just put your logo on it
DRAGON: Hey, they don't want me to use it they shouldn't post it
ADVENTURERS: We're here for your treasure!
DRAGON: Here you go
ADVENTURERS:
DRAGON:
ADVENTURERS: Um... Nothing happened?
DRAGON: I just gave you sovereignty! Can't you feel it?
ADVENTURERS: No offence, but do you have something more... tangible?
DRAGON: Sovereignty!
ADVENTURERS:
ADVENTURERS: We're here for your treasure!
DRAGON: Righto. Here.
ADVENTURERS: Jesus... that's...
DRAGON: Yeah. I know
ADVENTURERS: That's a LOT of Funko Pops.
DRAGON: Yeah. To be honest, you're doing me a bit of a favour here.
ADVENTURERS: We're here for your treasure!
DRAGON: Fair cop. Here.
ADVENTURERS: It's... some kind of card?
DRAGON: It's a Black Lotus!
ADVENTURERS: ???
DRAGON: Black. Lotus.
ADVENTURERS: A..?
DRAGON: BLACK! LOTUS!
ADVENTURERS: STOP SAYING THAT.
INTERMISSION:

As per usual, you can find my more (or occasionally less) serious stuff on Medium. Here is 'Pratchett does Brexit' medium.com/@garius/come-b…

You can also follow me for general nonsense. Or, if you're REALLY lovely, buy me a coffee here:

ko-fi.com/garius
ADVENTURERS: We're here for your treasure!
DRAGON: Are Beanie Babies still a thing?
ADVENTURERS: What? No.
DRAGON: Huh. Okay, then I think you're about to be SUPER annoyed at me.
ADVENTURERS: We're here for your treasure!
DRAGON: Ya got me.
ADVENTURERS: Fuck yeah!
DRAGON: Okay, I just need you to write down your name and your bank details
ADVENTURERS: My... is this some kind of scam?
DRAGON: Of course not! Now if you could jot down mother's maiden name...
ADVENTURERS: We're here for your treasure!
DRAGON: Oh no! Well, here you go.
ADVENTURERS: Brilliant! Thanks
DRAGON: Glad you're happy. Don't forget to rate me on TripAdvisor!
ADVENTURER: TripAdvisor?
DRAGON: Please. It makes such a difference.
ADVENTURERS: We're here for your treasure!
DRAGON: Tada!
ADVENTURERS: What's this?
DRAGON: A loot box! Open it! What ya get?
ADVENTURERS: A weird spear and a shirt in a different colour
DRAGON: Ooh congrats
ADVENTURERS: This spear isn't as good as my one
DRAGON: Oh that's too bad
ADVENTURERS: We're here for your treasure!
DRAGON: Oh know! Guess ya got me. Here.
ADVENTURERS: Star Wars Pogs?
DRAGON: The full set.
ADVENTURERS: We're here for your treasure!
DRAGON: No problem. It's over there.
ADVENTURERS: But it's...
DRAGON: ...all in copper pieces, yes.
ADVENTURERS: But there's no way we can carry all that!
DRAGON: Logistics is a bitch, isn't it?
ADVENTURERS: We're here for your treasure!
DRAGON: A question: How rich is your village?
ADVENTURERS: Poor farmers! We adventure to...
DRAGON: Ah
ADVENTURERS: What
DRAGON: So here's a TED talk I gave on hyper-inflation
ADVENTURERS: Hyper..?
DRAGON: Don't worry. It has graphs
ADVENTURERS: We're here for... oh no.
DRAGON: Well hello! I know you! You visited me near Baldur's Gate!
ADVENTURERS: Yes! You gave us all that worthless DragCoin!
DRAGON: The exchange will be launching shortly
ADVENTURERS: What are you even doing here?
DRAGON: I was relocated
DRAGON: Are you not going to ask for my treasure?
ADVENTURERS: No! I know how this ends! You'll just confuse me and we'll leave with nothing again!
DRAGON: I might not
ADVENTURERS: Fine. We're here for your treasure
DRAGON: So you know how hard it is to get Hamilton tickets? Well
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John Bull
@garius
Couple of people have asked me this now, so I should probably answer it.

IMHO, it is FINE to include niche jokes in your stuff as long as:

1) It's easy to Google
2) It's a cool thing. So when they Google it they go OH SHIT THAT'S A COOL THING I NOW KNOW THANKS WRITER PERSON
So that's why I'm happy to drop jokes about Esso Tokens, or Star Wars Pogs, or Goat Simulator, or the risks of hyper-inflation in the world of D&D.

Because the nice thing about written comedy is people can go off, Google, fall down a rabbit hole, come back and enjoy it even more
Basically, as long as someone can work out what you're talking about in about two clicks via Google then it's not exclusionary. You're just helping them discover cool new things.

If the joke requires something that CAN'T be searched, though, then you're just being a snob.
Read 3 tweets
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John Bull
@garius
It's Remembrance Day. It's easy to get caught up in the big picture and forget that every single war grave is a tiny tragedy.

Many tell you a tiny fraction of their story in the inscription, paid for by the loved ones left behind.

I'm gonna get out of the way and show you some
A Jackson. East Yorkshire Regiment. Died August 1916 aged 36

"I love him still"
W H Merrick. Leicestershire Regiment. Died December 1914 aged 29

"In loving memory of my dear husband. Gone but not forgotten."
Read 19 tweets
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John Bull
@garius
My career has mostly been spent building digital teams and cultures in large organisations.

A fun variant of this I've often had to fight during that time is HR insisting on '2 years or more' experience of web languages or platforms that hadn't existed that long.

(Yes. I'm old)
See also HR at the publishing firm that told me I was only allowed to hire people who had:

"A 2:1 or higher from a Russell Group or equivalent university"

I'll hire people based on whether they can fucking code or not, thanks. Not what Student Union they used to drink in.
They only relented on that one when I pointed out that, based on that criteria, I WASN'T ELIGIBLE TO WORK THERE MYSELF.
Read 4 tweets

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Alexandra Erin
@AlexandraErin
Reply and I will write the ending of a library book you lost before you had a chance read.
The sound of the waves crashing against the shore, which had lulled her into slumber so often over the long summer, receded into the distance. Autumn was coming, which meant it was time to go to work. All those leaves weren't going to paint themselves.

All of the octopuses, save one. And though Eustace would never be able to prove it, he suspected that what it had seen of the commodore's end could well have rocked the very foundations of the monarchy, had it been told.

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Jed Shugerman
@jedshug
Mueller is clearly a Volume I person - he had more command and energy on Russia and counterintelligence. @page88 and I are Volume I people, too. We discuss a new argument for impeachment, too.
Trumpcast - Which Volume of the Mueller Report are you? podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tru…
@page88 Thread:
1) Credit @pithywidow for "Are you a Vol 1 or a Vol 2 person?" & my fav:
"The real Mueller report is the friends we made along the way."
I count her & @page88 among those friends.
2) But this is part of why I'm taking a month off from Twitter.
@page88 @pithywidow 3) I had a very strong emotional reaction to watching Mueller the human being testify.
Not the savior, not the mythic hero, not the GOP imagined villain.
And also not the name attached to a disappointing, error-filled report that I had spent so much time criticizing.
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god's in his heaven, all's right with the world 🌈
@MissPavIichenko
okay i’m watching evangelion and it’s so weird how it takes place in the distant future of 2015
i am mildly disappointed that we didnt have robots fighting angels in 2015
that angel kinda looks like one of them plague doctor masks
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molly 🐶
@socialistdogmom
after nearly 7 minutes of grandpa-based exposition, they finally tell me what this movie is called.
this movie is telling on itself already
oh so we’re just smearing our blood on artifacts we found, ok
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Jeffrey Lewis
@ArmsControlWonk
Now it can be told. A short thread. (1/11)
As you know, @DaveSchmerler, myself and the rest of the @CNS_Updates team like to geolocate stuff -- especially Kim Jong Un visits. Well, sometimes, North Korea likes to make it hard for us. That's what makes this job fun. (2/11)
Twelve times, North Korea did this funny thing. Instead of just telling us where a Kim was, or not telling us at all, it said he visited a "machine plant managed by" so-and-so. An example, from @Michael_NKLW ... (3/11)
nkleadershipwatch.wordpress.com/2016/05/19/kim…
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My Name is Philip
@sallutephilipe
More drama in #QAnon world, as PamphletAnon, high priest of Patriot's Soapbox 24/7 Livestream, purges popular but troublesome acolyte Reed Walker from the ranks...
As viewers grumbled and argued in the youtube chat, hosts Flipper and Yoda conspicuously avoided interacting with any of the comments, instead discussing the weather, seeing someone wear a sweater with pizza slices on it, and CERN ("Boy that CERN sure is something huh?")
the YT viewers were upset, Reed is a charismatic and lighthearted host, a welcome break from literally hours of being told that Satan worshiping pedophiles will eat your children if you don't post enough memes
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