I sent this string of tweets in a reply to a tweet from someone who posted an offensive caption that tacitly compared a well woman exam to sexual contact. While it's already "out there," I wasn't able to string it properly as a reply. I'd like that done, so here it is.
If you truly do want a learning experience, I'm happy to be an example. Here's a perspective I want you to consider, and maybe use to reframe your perspective going forward. I think most people agree your "well woman exam" post was the coup de gras. (1/x)
It was tasteless, predatory, and manipulative on its own. This, I think you realize. Even without a background, it was difficult to see. It demeaned an entire field, traumatized the women who seek care from the field, and vilified the wonder male providers who work in it. (2/x)
But I was raped in college. I was a virgin when it happened. This, alone, was traumatic. I dealt with it by attempting to "reclaim" my body by having sex with anyone I could, because I can't be raped again if everyone is saying yes. Unsurprisingly, I had a pregnancy scare. (3/x)
I went to a gyn for the first time in my life at that point and was harassed and ridiculed and "examined" in much the fashion a butcher examines a cut of beef. I never had a positive pregnancy test, but I'm near-certain I was, and miscarried. I was 19. (4/x)
At this point, the trauma was compounded. I avoided the gyn, no matter what. When I ran into instances where I had to go, I suffered immensely. The exam was painful because I was so tense. I suffered from intense suicidality in the days to follow. I ignored my own care. (5/x)
Now, I've had pelvic pain my whole life. In 2011, I wound up in the ER for it. I got no answers. I refused a pelvic exam at the time because the provider was male and rude and I literally couldn't. They did a CT scan, said I was fine. (6/x)
Years later, I finally got the courage up to go a gyn again. She, again, dismissed my pain. Told me to use birth control and anti-nausea meds when they pain got so bad I couldn't keep food down. I convinced myself I was crazy, my pain was fake, I was weak. (7/x)
In the last two months, the pain has been unbearable. On top of that, I had a yeast infection I couldn't cure over the counter. I spent weeks unable to sleep because I was so terrified I was going to have to let someone examine me again. I was sure I couldn't survive it. (8/x)
But I went to a pelvic pain specialist this time. I sobbed in the office. I sobbed through the exam. She took me seriously. I had a TV U/S a week later. I didn't sleep for two days before it. I screamed at the tech I needed her out of me about a dozen times during the test. (9/x)
I was diagnosed with a large cyst and told surgery is my best option. On the 12/2, I had a meeting with the surgeon. She said I had no other options. I may lose my ovary as well. A lifetime of trauma is rolled up into this. (10/x)
I'm relieved I'm not crazy. I'm mad no one took my pain seriously. I'm mad the trauma from the rape stopped me from advocating for my own care. I'm terrified for the surgery. It's hard to trust my surgeon because of the trauma I've had from previous gyns, but I need to. (11/x)
And then... I saw your post.
And my pain and my trauma and my anxiety of something I'm living RIGHT NOW was turned into a sex joke.
So think of my perspective, if you think about it again. Because there will always be someone like me who sees it. (12/x)
And my pain and my trauma and my anxiety of something I'm living RIGHT NOW was turned into a sex joke.
So think of my perspective, if you think about it again. Because there will always be someone like me who sees it. (12/x)
