“Cats” should not be seen by small children or people who are high.
Been here 10 minutes. Two people already walked out.
It wouldn’t say it’s terrible so much as terrifying.
I don’t know any other way to say this, but it’s weird and unsettling that the cat character is so, uh, humanoid that it has a great ass. I just...
Cats should not have asses. Sorry. Those are the rules.
Dear God, this is all very creepy.
Okay, actually, watching Judi Dench and Ian McKellan get campy is kinda great. They’re not holding back. Pros. Totally committed to the feline life.
I’m tweeting from the very back row, next to @mcoyed, who is, uh, immersed, shall we say.
No one around us for several rows. It’s a sparse theater.
No one around us for several rows. It’s a sparse theater.
I will say that Jennifer Hudson is nailing “Memory”, which is not surprising.
Their bodies are totally hairy except for the face, which looks like they all shave their whole faces every morning. It’s upsetting.
I would legit have nightmares if I saw this as a kid. Do not bring your children to this movie.
Michelle took an edible before this. She’s basically gone. I just had to open her bag of Skittles. Ian McKellan is singing. Someone in the theater just coughed. We’re all a bit hostage at the moment.
The First Amendment will not survive the fallout of this movie. Mark my words.
Ian McKellan is wearing a lot of eyeliner in his CGI cat costume, and I’m not opposed to it. He looks good.
This cat just showed up wearing pants and tap shoes while all the other cats have been nude up to this point. The cat is tap dancing. I’m pretty sure this is breaking the fourth wall.
Taylor Swift just descended from the ceiling on a hanging crescent moon like some feline Satine in Moulin Rouge. People are openly laughing in this theater. I don’t think we’re supposed to laugh in this scene.
Taylor Swift’s face on a humanoid cat is just upsetting. There’s no other way to say it.
I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but Idris Elba looks good as a cat, which I think settles once and for all that Idris Elba is universally attractive.
Some of the cats are very clearly wearing lip gloss on their human lips, which is excessively jarring in their CGI cat bodies.
Judi Dench is a floof cat, fyi. Like 500% furball, and it works for her.
Rebel Wilson is trying her very best, and god bless her for it.
They should have just had a shelter cat cam and Jennifer Hudson singing “Memory”.
Michelle is losing her mind. She keeps laughing at the cats. To be fair, so is everyone else. Again: is it not really apparent that we are supposed to be laughing.
This is like a few notches above laughing at a funeral, and yet, everyone is laughing. The theater as a whole is laughing. Oh my god.
I think we’re in the finale. I just want to say that all of these actors are quite brave and committed. No one’s career will survive this except Idris Elba.
Idris Elba may get an Oscar based solely on principle.
Judi Dench is giving a lovely solo, kinda like aftercare for the BDSM session that has been this movie.
The cats did a whole big number and then kinda weirdly scattered in a cat-humanoid way that made the audience groan.
Oh my god, it’s over. I think all of us here experienced something together, a kind of trauma that has bound us.
Survivors. 
Oh god, they’re scrolling a list of names of people who died in production.
I want to be clear that “Cats” is not a bad movie, but I would describe it as a niche horror film.
People were leaving the theater with ashen faces. One older gentleman was dry heaving over a bag of spilled popcorn. Comfort dogs were outside the theater handing out propaganda leaflets.
Clarification: Taylor Swift the human being is quite gorgeous. Taylor Swift’s face on a CGI cat body is weirdly disconcerting. Glad we cleared that up.
Forgot to mention this: it's really weird how the producers/director/whoever clearly attempted to sexualize the bodies of the female cats. I dunno, y'all, I wasn't about it. Just one woman's opinion. Take that for what you will.
