Request for people I follow: I'm headed to over to Family Dollar later today, give me your last minute gift wish lists
Pipe down the rest of you garbage twitter nobodies, Dave's shopping list is only for the classy elites that I follow
Nancy's Christmas dreams are about to come true
Only if this means your missus is going to make us some delicious holiday hobo stew
Would you settle for an off brand Hot Wheel with toxic paint
Steve is know for elegant entertaining
Apparently I have failed to sufficiently emphasize that this offer is only for people I follow, not for those in the general online riffraff. The daily joy and delight I bring you with my tweets is the only gift you deserve, you disgusting illiterate dimwits
Sixteen bucks, whatta I look like, a Rockefeller? You'll get an airplane size bottle of Fireball and LIKE IT, Mr Hollywood
I'm not sure Family Dollar stocks the 500 count jumbo pack, I'll check with Sam's Club
Same price as in 1974! Also, same toothpaste
not every pigeon you poison has to go into your wacky taxidermy diorama, Miller
