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Good morning, Twitter. Here is your official Russian sports writer with an important message.

"E-sports" is not a sport.

Carry on.
Hockey Twitter, please stand by for another important message.

Corsi is not a thing.

Thank you.
I fully understand that calling it "Dustyn and I decided to see who can survive the longest in Super Mario and Jared bet money on it" is way too long.

But we did NOT allow you to use the term "sports." So, please, stop. Like now.

Would this warning be more effective in Russian?
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More from @SlavaMalamud see all

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Slava Malamud
@SlavaMalamud
She's horrible and has obviously wasted her college education, but I'd like to also point out a few things that relate to my profession.
Journalism is a specific trade, with specific practices and defined skills. Not every piece of pulsating matter with a mic is a journalist...
Journalists can voice opinions and defend them, of course, but when you approach a person with a mic under the pretense of being a journalist, your job is to ask questions and SOLICIT opinions, not forcefully argue and press your own opinions on others... Else, false pretenses...
A person may be in the mood to share their thoughts but not inclined to argue. You have to make it clear to them, which of these activities they are about to be engaged in. In other words, whether they are about to speak to a JOURNALIST or an ACTIVIST...
Read 6 tweets
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Slava Malamud
@SlavaMalamud
Lev's accent is getting more pronounced as the interview progresses. It's like seeing the cheap "abibas" logo wash off the knockoff track suit bought at a market in Zhytomyr.
It is absolutely bonkers that this ex-Soviet dealer of stolen Oldsmobiles who knows a guy who can make your gas meter run backwards, hundred bucks, no problem, is MORE CREDIBLE THAN THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
Which he totally is!
Parnas is from Odessa, the city with a very particular reputation. Basically, it's Ukraine's North Jersey, where every single resident is Tony Soprano dialed up to 11.
Read 9 tweets
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Slava Malamud
@SlavaMalamud
My top 5 favorite quotes from the Parnas-Lutsenko texts...
5.
L: Call me after [I've drunk] 350 [ml of whiskey]
P: For such a volume one needs strong company
L: Bullshit. Now, 700 is a good plank.
P: 700 is a lethal doze!
L: Only the first time. Then, you get used.
P: Only pros!
4
L: Hey, I am being summoned by the State Dept with an insinuation that I am lying. A question: the fuck I need these adventures, especially 10 days before the election? And State is telling me my statements are helping the corrupt. Fucking great help for Ukraine!
3. L: Sorry, I am fucking sick of this. I haven't gotten the visit. My No. 1 hasn't gotten shit. I am ready to fuck over your opponent, but you want more. We gotta do it all, but you - always later. It's not fair.
Read 5 tweets

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