this is
1. absolutely true, of course
2. remarkably unhelpful to men who are looking for help
1. absolutely true, of course
2. remarkably unhelpful to men who are looking for help
I do think that the best way to begin to get a sense of "what women want" or "what women are like", when you're a man, is to immerse yourself in media that's made by women. Read women writers, watch shows that they write & direct.
Will one book or movie be enough? of course not
Will one book or movie be enough? of course not
for eg: reading 1 book by a Chinese author and watching 1 Chinese movie doesn't mean I suddenly know "what Chinese people want" or "what Chinese people are like". Of course they are people. Ofc they are diverse. Ofc they are complex.
And yet. cultural differences are real
And yet. cultural differences are real
The challenge with navigating cultural crosswinds is – (and yes I do think there are, ~ultra~broadly, "male cultures" and "female cultures", amongst many, many others)
- avoid condescension
- own the limits of your knowledge
- be respectful without being obsequious
- avoid condescension
- own the limits of your knowledge
- be respectful without being obsequious
circling back
some men *do* need to hear "women are people too", partially because they've been conditioned to objectify women, sometimes in the subtlest of ways, to a degree that they don't even realize that they're doing it
that's 1
some men *do* need to hear "women are people too", partially because they've been conditioned to objectify women, sometimes in the subtlest of ways, to a degree that they don't even realize that they're doing it
that's 1
2
when you're a man raised amongst other men + in male culture(s) + media, your idea of "person" can be so much informed by your idea of "man"... that when you *try* to treat women "like people", you can end up treating them "like men". you'll find that this doesn't quite work!
when you're a man raised amongst other men + in male culture(s) + media, your idea of "person" can be so much informed by your idea of "man"... that when you *try* to treat women "like people", you can end up treating them "like men". you'll find that this doesn't quite work!
I've noticed women have this problem too, although often slightly less bad – my general hypothesis is that
a. women are forced to model men better than men are forced to model women, bc threat/danger
b. also there's just a lot of media about male motivations/interests etc
a. women are forced to model men better than men are forced to model women, bc threat/danger
b. also there's just a lot of media about male motivations/interests etc
I do find that women consistently misunderstand or mis-appreciate the sort of less visible, quieter parts of being a man
everybody is lonely, but IME, the loneliest guys have it the worst, to the most debilitating and devastating degrees that almost nobody sympathizes with
everybody is lonely, but IME, the loneliest guys have it the worst, to the most debilitating and devastating degrees that almost nobody sympathizes with
ultimately I think the point is not to come to any *conclusion* about what people are like, but rather to develop a provisional personal map of inquiry and understanding, that you can then continually corroborate with other people. that's quite an intimate, vulnerable thing to do
